Let's see what's in store...

7wks 4 days....Due Sept. 23rd!

2012-02-09T14:46:00.002-06:00

Guess what?!

2012-01-23T19:47:00.001-06:00

Today is Monday, January 23rd and on Wednesday I will be 7 weeks PREGNANT!!!!!

No treatments, no pills, no injections. It all happened the old fashioned way! My due date is my birthday, September 12th!

SIGH

2011-03-15T11:13:00.002-05:00

I don't know who to say this to, so I'll just say it here...

I was doing really well with the not getting pregnant thing. I really didn't want to be pregnant because I want to keep losing the weight but now comes the time of year for everyone to get pregnant apparently. I was off work for 2 days. I come to work today, I am here for less than 2 hours and have been given the news twice that someone is pregnant. That just gets my hormones and biological clock all ticking and I can't help but be sad that I am not one of them. One of the people I am truly truly happy for. She has been trying for a while and finally she is pregnant. The other one just decided around Christmas she wanted to be pregnant and POOF now she is. UGH!

60 lbs!!!

2011-01-13T09:55:00.001-06:00

I literally did a happy dance when I stepped off the scale this morning. I was worried. I had a rough couple of weeks with being sick and having to travel to Kentucky for a funeral but I stepped it up this week and apparently it turned out ok!!

New Hobby....maybe?

2010-12-28T13:25:00.004-06:00

So I got a new camera. I really really want to take photography classes but I have no find some that I can afford. I have been playing with my new camera nonstop since I brought it home and took it out of the box. I have played with ISO settings, Aperture settings, focus, colors, anything I can think of. Here are a few shots I really like. Keep in mind, they are of just random objects. There is nothing significant yet. I thought I would play some and then maybe get some real shots on New Year's Eve.

WOW!

2010-11-23T21:30:00.001-06:00

I am now 40 lbs lighter and a total of 17.25 inches smaller! Here are the specifics...

Waist - 4.5
Bust Chest - 4.5
Hips - 3.25
...Thigh - 5

I can't believe it!

Yay me!

2010-11-10T20:47:00.001-06:00

I have now lost 36.5 lbs as of today. I go back to the doctor on the 18th for the official weigh-in. I am shooting for 40!

20 lbs!

2010-10-21T11:54:00.002-05:00

I went to the doctor on Monday and my official weight loss is 20 lbs! So exciting but let's keep 'em comin!

I love when the numbers go down!

2010-10-13T10:39:00.002-05:00

Today was weigh-in day again. I lost 3 1/2 more!! It puts me in such a good mood when I see that on the scale. I almost feel like dancing....lol

THAT PUTS ME AT 15 LBS LOST!!!!!!!

WOOHOO! Weight lost!

2010-10-07T09:54:00.004-05:00

I have lost 11 and 1/2 pounds in 2 weeks and I am so unbelievably excited! I just have to keep this going! 11 and 1/2 may not be a huge amount but its more than I have ever lost before so I will take it!

To IVF or not to IVF? That is the question.

2010-09-29T11:29:00.002-05:00

So, we went to the fertility doctor this morning. All went fine, I think it freaked Jason out a bit because he has never been in any place like that before. When we first walked in they put us in an exam room and he was kind of spooked by the exam chair and stirrups and all but I told him not to worry...lol. When the doctor was ready he took us into his office so that help Jason relax a little. The plan right now is to take the Provera to get me on regular periods again for the next 3 months and then in January we will start all the fun injections and stuff.

Here is the issue. When we got there the receptionist had me fill out all the paperwork and stuff again since it had been a while since I had been in. When she ran my insurance benefits it said we had IVF coverage. Well I have been down this road before. At the beginning of this year when my boss started trying to have a baby she was told the same thing, knowing that I would be interested in that info she told me about it. I called the insurance company to confirm and was told that they do not cover it. Now, I know they renegotiate our health benefits every year so its possible something could have changed. I spoke to my HR rep once I got to work and she called our insurance rep and the rep says that she does not know for sure if its covered or not, everything she is looking at leads her to believe its not but she is going to do some more checking and let me know.

So now I am not sure what the plan is. If its not covered we have a couple of options. We could give IUI another shot or my thoughts are that we do IVF, pay the deductible up front, and then let the doctor's office submit the claim to the insurance company and see if they will pay it. If they pay it, that is fabulous, if they don't then we can arrange to pay the doctor's office in payments. I could handle payments. I just can handle $8000 in one chunk. I have 3 more months to decide. IVF has a way higher success rate than IUI but IUI is way cheaper so it will definitely take some thought.

For those unfamiliar with all this IUI and IVF talk. IUI stands for Intra-Uterine Insemination, this is where they inject the sperm directly into the uterus so it doesn't have to survive the "swim" as long and you have a better chance of 1 sperm finding the egg since there are more of them. IVF is In-vitro fertilization, this is where they will do an egg retrieval from me, and then they inject the sperm directly into the egg in a petri dish and then place the egg in my uterus and hope it attaches itself. Its not exactly that simple but I don't know all the specifics yet so that is the gist of it.

That's all for today!

Here we go again!

2010-09-23T21:23:00.002-05:00

So we are going next Wednesday to the fertility doctor. We want to try again after the first of the year so we want to get an action plan kind of laid out so that if there is anything we need to do now we can go ahead and get started. Its taken some time but I think I am ready for this again. Its emotionally draining but I have had a good amount of time off from it and maybe this time we will have success! I will keep this updated as much as possible as soon as there is something to report.

FINGERS CROSSED! Any prayers are much appreciated!

One of those days

2010-06-12T23:14:00.003-05:00

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like a boiling pot that is about to boil over?

I am pretty sure I am having one of those days. There isn't any one thing in particular that I can blame it on. I just have so many things mashed down so far that my tolerance level doesn't have much room to add more. I will just say I wish there would be just 1 time that I, me, myself could get something I really really want. God knows what I need/want. Help a girl out would you please Lord?

I am not a huge rock music fan but there is one song by Linkin Park called By Myself that really makes a lot of sense to me. I listen to several of their songs when I am having a rough day. I would post the song but I am writing this from my cell phone so I don't know how. If you want to listen to it just Google it.

Its Mother's day

2010-05-09T09:47:00.001-05:00

Yep. Sure is. Happy Mother's Day.

I got this from another blog I read and wanted to repost it.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9

"This weekend is perhaps the hardest of your year. Mother’s Day is Sunday. Families will gather and photos will be taken. Churches will hand out flowers and small trinkets and pastors will preach their best sermons about the gift of motherhood. Oceans of tears will flood the faces of infertile women, and hearts still trying to recover from miscarriage or stillbirth will shatter a little more.

Throughout the frustration of Mother’s Day--and all the days leading up to it--there is one powerful reality upon which you can rely. God’s amazing, all sufficient grace.
No matter the specifics of your struggle, you can depend on the sufficiency of God’s grace to be enough for you. How amazing is grace! There is no struggle, no hardship, no holiday through which grace cannot sustain you. It is strong enough, real enough to sustain you. It is made perfectly powerful in your weakness. Even on Mother’s Day.

You may be thinking, 'But I’m not a ‘super-Christian’! I fail God way too much for Him to grant such grace to me. If you had heard how I’ve spoken to Him since I’ve dealt with infertility you’d understand.' Or perhaps you’ve not spoken to Him at all lately. You wonder if He’s finished with you as well.

Friend, that’s the beauty of grace.

Grace is unmerited favor. If you had done anything to earn it, it simply wouldn’t be grace anymore. It’d be a paycheck! God gives you His unmerited, unearned favor. He knows you can’t earn His favor so with a heart the size of the Grand Canyon bursting with love for you, He grants His grace. Sufficient grace to get you through your first Mother’s Day without your twins. And the next Mother’s Day. And the next one. Strong enough to sustain you when your period starts again. Powerful enough to hold you together when you feel like you’ll fall apart when someone says something else hurtful and they don’t even realize it. Enough to walk you through more baby shower invitations and pregnancy announcements.

God’s amazing all-sufficient grace. Sufficient for Mother’s Day weekend. Sufficient for you."

I need to lose weight...

2010-05-02T22:15:00.002-05:00

I want to lose weight. I just don't know what to do. Its going to be really really hard but if I could just find something that will give me results I think I could stick with it but its hard to when you don't see any results. Any advice outside of the regular eat right and exercise normal stuff please feel free to offer.

Scratch that

2010-04-22T19:32:00.003-05:00

I called my insurance company today, my policy does NOT cover IVF according to the lady I was talking to. She did seem rather confused but I still believe she was probably correct. She did say its an option but my company didn't select it. Now I am considering paying out of pocket for independent health insurance as a secondary that will cover fertility stuff but I don't know if that is a possibility or not. I guess its worth checking in to. We'll see.

Some thoughts

2010-04-20T12:11:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a while and I have some things on my mind so I thought I would put a little out there.

I learned of another pregnancy today and while I am thoroughly happy for this person and wish her all the best with her pregnancy its still a bit gut wrenching to me. She was told that she more than likely wouldn't get pregnant without help and they had planned to start fertility treatments this month but that apparently wasn't necessary because she is pregnant already. Don't get me wrong, I handle these things much better these days than I have in the past but there is still that slight knot that forms in my stomach when I hear news like this. You are probably asking yourself "then why aren't they still trying?", well its really expensive. This year I chose to do something for myself and have LASIK done on my eyes. I am very happy with the outcome and am pleased that I made the decision. Jason is still struggling to find a stable job (another topic for another day) and we make it by financially very very carefully. I don't think this is a stable environment to have a baby in right now anyway so we decided we would get things back on level ground and hopefully Jason will have full time work and we will check into the IVF thing at the beginning of next year. I have been told that our insurance will cover IVF after we meet our $2500 deductible but I would like to call and confirm that myself before I get my hopes up. I haven't done it yet because there is no way for us to do it right now anyway so I will call and see what they say when we get closer to time.

So for now I will enjoy what time I get to spend with my wonderful niece and nephews and try to enjoy the peace and quiet in my house when its there.

Stress, stress, and more stress

2010-01-12T20:59:00.002-06:00

I don't know that I have ever felt this much stress/depression. I don't know how much longer I can cope without biting some innocent person's head off. I try, I really do, to keep my temper too myself but sometimes just a little bit slips. I don't know when Jason is going to find a job. I don't know IF Jason is going to find a job. We have made it this long but it has not been fun and probably going to get worse if he doesn't get a job soon. He says he is determined to get a job by Friday, and while I appreciate the determination there is no guarantee. He goes places everyday. Almost everytime they interview him right then and then either say they will let him know or it will be a couple of weeks before they hire anyone, which if that was a definite it would be acceptable but no one says anything definite. He went up to Ernie's Plumbing which is a really nice company with benefits and all that and the guy (actually a plumber that came to our house a few years ago and did some work) talked to him and said he would really like to hire him but he is the plumbing manager so he has to talk to the dispatch manager and she was busy at the moment so he would have her call him. Then Jason called her today and she told him that she would really like to hire him but Ernie said he wanted to hire someone that speaks Spanish. WTF? This is America people! Is that allowed?

I just don't know what else to do. I am at a loss. It effects my sleep, it effects my mood, its starting to effect my work and even my marriage because we are both on edge. I know, I know, it will all work out. But when? Before I lose my house or after?

Another year...

2009-11-24T21:04:00.001-06:00

and another holiday season that I still have no kids. :-(

Adoption Agency phone call

2009-11-02T09:43:00.002-06:00

I just got off the phone with the adoption agency. I wish they wouldn't make it sound like such a business deal. They told me that have different "packages", like I am purchasing internet service or something. Anyway, she told me she would pull my application and see what she could do for me. She is going to send me an invitation to their orientation meeting they have once a month. I guess we will learn more then. At least I got someone on the phone this time and someone is looking into things for us.

Adoption...

2009-10-02T21:51:00.002-05:00

Well, it looks like we may be adopting. We discussed it recently and feel that instead of spending thousands and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant when it might not ever be successful we should use that money to adopt a child that is already alive and that needs someone to love and take care of them. I have done some research and talked to a friend that has been through it and she gave me a lot of good advice. I know that adopting will not stop the urge I have to be pregnant but it will give me the child or children I want to have. I have grown ok with not being pregnant. I do wish that I could experience what its like to find out I am pregnant and have that life growing inside of me but if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be. I will raise an adopted child and love them just as much if not more than if I had a biological child. I know there are a lot of children out there in bad situations and I just hope I can make one or maybe two of their lives better.

So now, I am waiting. I have filled out the application online and it said they would contact me. Well that was over 3 weeks ago and I haven't heard from them. I called them today and got a voicemail so I left a message. I don't know how long it will take to hear from them but I know the whole process is lengthy anyway so I am really anxious to get the ball rolling.

Well I guess that's all I have for now.

Good night!

I'm back

2009-07-07T10:04:00.002-05:00

I don't really have a lot to say. There isn't much going on. I have started doing water aerobics with Melinda. We do it two days a week. I am hoping that I can get motivated to go to the gym more often than that but we'll see. I am just taking it a step at a time.

We are working on saving some money to be able to do more treatments but its a slow process. Its really been kind of nice to not have to stress about what day of my cycle it is and when I have to take what. I am supposed to go have another HSG done but I am in no rush. The HSG is the test that tells them if my fallopian tubes are open completely. They inject a dye and then do an xray to see if the dye flows through the tubes freely. I have noticed several of the blogs I read that were struggling with infertility they are now pregnant so maybe that's a good thing for me, I am not sure yet.

So far the summer has been good. We have been hanging out a lot with some good friends of ours and just doing what we want when we want. Jason's new job is definitely helping with that. We did add a new addition to our family. Ace has been with us for about 3 weeks now. He is a 15 month old Yorkie. He follows me around like my shadow. We are finally passed the "getting use to each other" phase, now he is just learning the rules of the house. He is a good dog and he is very sweet.

Well I guess that's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well!

So much for that

2009-06-13T14:34:00.003-05:00

I started my period today. I am pissed but there is nothing I can do. I am out of money and that's it. I don't know if I will post again for a while. There is just nothing else to say. I will just put my stupid fake happy face on and pretend everything is ok. What else is new? I have become a pro at it.

My niece....the goober

2009-06-04T10:35:00.004-05:00

She cracks me up!

What now?

2009-06-03T13:00:00.002-05:00

I am at work and just NOT in the mood to do ANYTHING. I just want to go home and go to bed. I have work that needs to get done but I just can't motivate myself. I am in a very blah mood. I don't really care to talk to anyone. Normally I go outside and talk to my boss while she smokes a cigarette and I'm not really even in the mood to do that. I need something exciting to do, something to look forward to at least until this 2ww is up. I might go insane before the two weeks is up! I really need to find something to do! Anyone have any ideas? Its hard to do anything when you don't want to be around anyone but maybe if its exciting I can handle the being around people part just don't expect me to be chipper (I know that's a stretch for me even on a good day...lol) or bouncing off the walls.

The story...

2009-06-01T13:00:00.002-05:00

Ok, here we go.

First of all, I slept VERY little last night. I kept dreaming that something went wrong, like I didn't get the collection to the office within 90 minutes or I got it there and they tell me they will have to reschedule me next month because the doctor is out.

So, 7:15, Jason has done his part so I get the cup and place it in its nifty paper bad and head to the doctor's office. I get there and no one is there but I am a little early so I wait. About 8:15 the receptionist shows up, I went inside and she looks at me like I am nuts and asks if she can help me. I told her I needed to drop off my bag. She looked at me again like I am nuts and says "oh you are supposed to be at the Irving office". WHAT?!?!?! I looked at her and as calmly as I could I said "No one ever mentioned Irving to me". She said "I told you that on Friday". I just looked at her and said "no you didn't" and walked out. I didn't have time to argue. The sperm needed to be to the lab in 90 minutes and I was already coming up on 60 minutes and to make it to Irving during rush hour was surely going to take longer than 30 minutes and I had very little gas in my car. I put the address in my GPS and it said I would arrive there at 8:45, THAT IS 90 MINUTES! I step on it and I am crying and ranting and raving and screaming at any car that gets in my way, begging and pleading with them to just get out of my way. I did hit a little traffic but nothing like I expected, THANK GOD! I got on 161 where the speed limit is 70 and I went about 85. I was daring any cop to pull me over. They wouldn't have known what hit them when they got done with me...lol. So I got to the Irving office with about 5 minutes to spare and very very little gas left. I walked in and told her I was supposed to be there at 8 but I was late because no one told me I was supposed to go to Irving so I went to Arlington. I told the receptionist that the collection was pushing its limit really quickly and she said she would get me back ASAP. I sat down and tried to breath deeply. Within about 2 minutes they called me back. I gave her the collection, filled out a form and left. Now I don't have to be back until 10:15. Well my original plan was to go back home and finish getting dressed but now that I am in Irving that plan is shot all to hell. I went to Chevron to get gas, then to McDonalds for some food, and then spent some time wandering around Target. I went back and was pretty early (making up for the lateness from earlier...lol) and went ahead and went in. It didn't take them long to call me back. I went in and did the whole undress from the waste down crap, with the paper sheet over me and waited for the Dr. He didn't leave me waiting long. He came in and said that Jason's sperm count was good (that was a relief). He started the procedure which is pretty much just like a pap smear. After he was done he elevated the chair so that my hips were elevated at a 45 degree angle and told me to lay there for about 15 minutes and then a nurse would come get me. That was interesting. I was just laying practically upside down in an exam room staring at the ceiling. Once I was done the nurse came and let me down...lol. Now I just get to wait another 2 weeks and see what happens. Keep on praying!

Tomorrow is the day...

2009-05-31T22:04:00.003-05:00

I don't know what to expect. I don't know what is going to happen. I just know that I have to be there at 10:15. I hate not knowing what's going to happen. I don't know if I just go in and they do it and I go home and act like nothing is going on or if I have to lay down for a while or stand on my head or what. I guess I will find out tomorrow. Please say all the prayers you can between now and then. I'll update tomorrow.

P.S.
That pregnyl injection I had to do to make me ovulate HURT! Now there is a knot at the injection site and man is it sensitive!

Gotta buy some new ones

2009-05-29T10:22:00.002-05:00

I wish that was an option. The ovaries I got are defective! Well the follicles are growing, slowly. They are now 17mm and 19mm. He told me to do my trigger shot at 9 Saturday night. Why 9 I am not sure but I will do whatever he says. If he said to do it while standing on my head and balancing on one hand I would definitely try it. My IUI will be Monday at 10:15. I drop Jason's "collection" off at 8 then I go back for my part at 10:15. I was really hoping it would be on Saturday so he could be there with me but right now he is just too new at work to be asking for time off so I will do it alone. I am getting used to it I guess. He never has jobs that are flexible like mine. I think they would let him come in late for this but we just don't want to start with the time off requests so soon so I'll be fine. Everyone pray hard that this works! Its our last chance for a long time!

Daily Devotional

2009-05-27T14:13:00.001-05:00

Thanks Melinda!

What is it in your life that you used to be excited about? Are there dreams that you’ve pushed down, goals that you’ve let go of? Too often, because those dreams seem to be taking a long time, or because we’ve been through some disappointments, we become complacent. It’s easy to just accept the fact that “it’s probably not going to happen for me.” But just because you gave up doesn’t mean God gave up. God never aborts a dream. He always fulfills His promises! That dream He placed in your heart may be pushed down by disappointments, setbacks, failures, or rejection. But know this; the seed is still alive.

The promise is still in you. You just need to get your fire back! That dream may look like it’s dead in the ground, but really, it’s just been planted. That means it’s coming back. It’s going to flourish! Our attitude should be “This may be taking a long time, and maybe I don’t see how it could happen, but I know God already has the completion date. I’m not going to give up on my dreams. I’m not going to go through life without goals, passion, or enthusiasm. No, I’m getting my vision back because I know God fulfills His promises!

"For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory"(II Corinthians 1:20, NLT).

Dr appt this morning

2009-05-27T10:20:00.002-05:00

I went to the doctor this morning. He looked at my ovaries. Both of them have 1 follicle each that is about 14mm. They want them to be about 20mm when I do the HCG injection so he wants me to come back on Friday to have another look and then if they are big enough we will do the IUI on Saturday. My ovaries seem to respond less every month. The first month we did the injections I had big follicles almost immediately and then every month since they have been smaller and smaller. I thought since he upped me to 5 injections instead of 3 it would help that but guess not. I guess we'll see what Friday brings. As long as they cooperate on Friday I am really ok with being knocked back a couple of days because it easier for Jason to not have to get off work or anything. With him having issues this week with his car trouble we don't need him to have to ask for more favors. He is still new there and we don't want to rock the boat if you know what I mean. So hopefully Saturday will be it!

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

2009-05-18T12:09:00.002-05:00

Everytime I go to the doctor and then have to go get the prescriptions filled I get so upset about how expensive it is that I cry most of the way back to work and then I stress out all day about it. I had a doc appointment this morning. It was the usual, check my ovaries to make sure there are no cysts and then hand me a crap load of prescriptions that will cost be 4 arms, 3 legs, and 8 fingers. This time it 5 arms, 4 legs and 15 fingers because he threw in some extra injections and an estrogen pill. So now instead of taking 3 injections which is 1 every other day for 5 days, he has changed me to do 1 everyday for 5 days. Well guess what? That cost MORE MONEY! This is our last chance this year I guess because today's prescriptions cost me more than what I had left on my flexible spending account so I had to pay about $170 out of pocket. That's not too bad but it would be if we tried again next month and had to pay it ALL out of pocket. We are doing the IUI this time. So I will go in next Wednesday to make sure there are eggs ready to be released then he said I will need to take Jason's "collection" in probably Friday and do the procedure. This does have a better success rate than just the natural way but its still nothing definite so we will see.

Aunt Flo

2009-05-14T13:22:00.001-05:00

She's here....and I HATE her!

Friday is coming...

2009-05-12T09:44:00.003-05:00

I don't know if I am ready for Friday to be here or not. Technically Friday is the day I can take a pg test but I just know its going to be negative again and I just don't want to see that again. But then I guess its better than wondering what every twinge or pain is. I guess if its negative we can move on to the IUI and have a much better chance. I do have to say I am handling friends becoming pregnant better than I have previously. There was a time I would go in my bathroom and just cry but I am past that stage and have learned to deal. I am truly happy for them and I hope everything works out. Not that I have EVER wished that it wouldn't work out just that it took me some time to be happy for them. I am feeling overwhelmed. I can't concentrate on anything for very long. I am SO ready to have a few days off work. I will be off a couple days before Memorial Day weekend and a few days after and will hopefully get to spend a little time with Addisyn and she always makes me feel better. She is so much fun and she keeps me busy so I don't have time to sit and think.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T10:09:00.003-05:00

I just thought I would say Happy Mother's Day to all of you that are mothers and even to those that are working hard to become mothers. I hope everyone has a great day.

Maybe next year I really will be a mother not just one of those working hard to be. I might lose my mind by then if I am still working at it.

The wrote a song about my life!...LOL

2009-05-06T09:55:00.003-05:00

I love this song. It makes a lot of sense to me. You all know how my luck goes sometimes....Now I do have to say I have a great boss who I would never say anything bad about so ignore the first verse....lol

It Happens Lyrics
Missed my alarm clock ringing
Woke up telephone screaming
Boss man singing his same old song

Rolled in late about an hour
No cup of coffee, no shower
Walk of shame with two different shoes on
Now it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

My trusty-rusty had a flat
I borrowed my neighbors Cadillac"I'll be right back," going down to Wally World
That yellow light turned red too quickly
Knew that the truck moment it hit me
Out stepped my ex and his new girl("Sorry 'bout your neck baby")

But it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

Yeah, the irrefutable, indisputable, absoluteable, totally beautiful fact is
Psssh
It happens

Here is a link to the video if you actually want to HEAR the song :-)
http://community.cmt.com/Video/Sugarland-----It-Happens/0BEDCFFFF0198F1D5001700AE30DC

Here they come!

2009-05-05T08:30:00.004-05:00

So you know all those people that I mentioned are pregnant around me? Well they are starting to pop! One had her baby last month, another had their baby yesterday, one is scheduled for c section May 28th. Then unfortunately two miscarried :-(. Baby Cayden (my new nephew) still has a little while to cook but he likes to give his mama hell and she has been having contractions here and there recently. Stay in there boy! Its not time to come out yet!

Anyway, the point of my post is that while I am very happy for everyone I would really like a turn. Is that too much to ask? I did my injections this month and all that stuff now we are at the beginning of the two week wait but I just don't think this is it. I should start my period again around the 15th. We will see I suppose.

P.S.
Jason started his new job today!

Stressed

2009-05-01T13:48:00.002-05:00

As I posted before, Jason was offered a new job at a plumbing company. Well we were all excited about it and he really wanted it. Well now, he has put in his two week notice at his current job and they are falling all over themselves trying to get him to stay. He has told them the reason why he is leaving, money, opportunity, new experience, etc. They have offered him more money but still not what the new place is offering. They have offered to put him in a management position if/when one becomes available. Now they have us all confused. I still think going to the new place is best but what if I am wrong? What if he quits this place and then the plumbing company job ends up being worse? This is the part of being an adult that I hate. I just want someone to tell us what to do. I am afraid whatever he does will be wrong, but only god knows what is. Everyone I have talked to about it says they agree with me and that taking the new job is the best option but what if its not? Sheesh!

There are 2!

2009-04-30T10:50:00.003-05:00

I just returned to work from the doctor. There are two mature follicles on my left ovary that are ready to release eggs. He told me to do the HCG injection tonight. Then he wants me to go on Thursday next week for blood work to check my progesterone levels to see if I in fact ovulated. So, if there is two eggs that does give me a better chance of actually becoming pregnant but that also means there is a chance for twins...lol...lord help us! Here comes the two week wait! Anyway, back to work!

Update

2009-04-28T11:29:00.002-05:00

I just got back from the doctor. I had to see that other doctor that I dislike so much because my doctor was out so I had fully prepared myself to tell him where he could stick it should he give me trouble like the last time I saw him but he was fine. He did the sonogram and my right ovary has 1 follicle and my left ovary has 2 follicles that are trying to release eggs. However, he said they are not as big as he would like them to be at this point so instead of assuming they will increase in size he would like me to do 2 more Menopur injections, one tonight and one tomorrow night and then me come back in for another sonogram on Thursday. He said if we don't do this the follicles could potentially just shrink back down and not release the eggs. So, there is another chunk of money out of my FSA, which is already running rather low but oh well. I told him about how much more expensive the other pharmacy was than the one over by his Irving office. He was shocked. He said he was going to call and complain. He gave me the name of another pharmacy off Industrial Blvd in Euless so I went there and there prices were the same as the first pharmacy so I guess I can live with that. These two injections cost $140, which is $70 a piece like the first place. So anyway, I will do the injections tonight and tomorrow and go back on Thursday and see where we stand. Hopefully they will be ready and I can do the trigger shot and ovulate.

Jason has decided that if we don't get pregnant this month that he is willing to do the IUI next month so we will see what happens.

On another note, for those of you that I haven't already told. You remember the job interview Jason went on at the plumbing company a while back that he really wanted? Well, a week or two ago Jason decided to call the guy since he hadn't ever heard from him and just see if he had any other positions open. The guy told him that they hadn't filled the office manager position yet because the owner had decided to hold off for a little bit on it. He said Jason was still in the running for the position and that he would let him know something as soon as he knows. Well, yesterday Jason got a phone call from the guy and he GOT THE JOB! Jason was so surprised he made the guy repeat himself...lol. He really wanted this job. Its a big pay increase for him and he has been wanting to get out of the satellite business so this job was perfect. He goes today to do some training since its his off day and then he will put in his two week notice tomorrow and if they send him home like we expect then he will probably start full time at the new place later in the week.

Things are looking up! I hope they stay this way!

I am floored!

2009-04-27T10:59:00.003-05:00

Beyond floored! I just have no words. When I was in third grade we moved into our house on Wagonwheel. I met two girls Stephanie and Jessica that lived across the street from us. Stephanie was 2 years old than me and Jessica was a year younger than me but in the same grade. I guess that is why I became friends with her and not Stephanie. Jessica was always a drama queen. She thought the sun didn't shine until she woke up. Even at the age of 12 boys fell all over themselves to be friends with her and she took advantage of it. We were friends off and on. Mainly when it was convenient for her. In high school we didn't have a lot to do with each other. I had a steady boyfriend, Chris, and she was busy being a whore. I'm sorry, I realize that is not nice but its the honest to god truth. Our junior year of high school I happened to walk outside to check the mail, our mailbox was a community box and was right in front of their house. As I walked outside I saw an ambulance and Jessica and Stephanie's house. I ran inside to tell my parents. My dad rushed over there to see what was going on and see if he could help. Their dad was paralyzed from the waist down and we thought maybe something happened to him or their mom. My dad came back and told my mom to come over there and made me and my sister go in the house. I knew something bad had happened but no one was telling me what. Later my parents came home and told me that Jessica had tried to kill herself by taking a bunch of pills. I was SO upset. I hadn't had a lot to do with her because of previously stated reasons but I still cared what happened to her and wished I had been there to stop her. For the next few months after that her parents had asked me to basically be her chaperone. I drove her home from school and was instructed to go straight from school to her house and even if she asked me to take her somewhere else not to. I even got suspended from school once for defending her from her ex-boyfriend which she claimed was the reason she tried to kill herself. After high school and all that drama we didn't have anything to do with each other for a year or so and then all the sudden she showed up at my house one day. I went and hung out with her at her apartment and thought we were friends again. We even got an apartment together. That was the longest 6 month living arrangement of my life. She was like night and day. You never knew what Jessica you would encounter. She had met John online and talked to him on the phone all the time and was planning to move to Indiana to be with him. At the same time she had guys in and out of our apartment all the time and John was just an idiot and didn't think she was cheating on him. The only good thing that came out of my living with Jessica is Jason. He came over to hang out with her from time to time and we got to be friends as well. Then one of the times Jessica flew to Indiana to be with John she asked him to call me and keep me from being bored and we became close friends. At that point we kind of shoved Jessica out of the picture and of course with her all about me attitude she did NOT like that. I learned from Jason later there were times when everyone was over and Jessica would stand behind me and point at me and mouth the words "I hate her".

As soon as our lease was up, actually sooner. I moved out. I moved in with Kelsey who is still my best friend to this day. I didn't talk to Jessica for a long time after that. She moved to Indiana and got pregnant and then got married. Jason talked to her on the phone every once in a while I think but I didn't. She eventually moved back to Ft Worth and brought John and her daughter with her. Since she was the reason Jason and I were together we asked her to be in our wedding. She was almost a normal person during these days so I tolerated her and tried to be her friend. Then of course she dropped from the face of the planet again and didn't have much to do with us. I had finally had enough.

I sent her an email and I told her exactly how I felt about her. I told her that she was nothing but a drama queen and that she thrived on drama. I told her that I was an adult and married with my own house and I planned on acting like an adult. I would not be subjected to her drama and the chaos that surrounded her. I told her that if she wanted to grow up and act her age I would be her friend and help her in anyway that I could. She responded to me and said that it was a lot to take it and that she would get back to me. That was the last I heard from her.

I read her sister Stephanie's blog regularly and Stephanie has a great family life. Jessica has since gotten divorced, lost custody of her daughter to her parents, had another baby, lost custody of him, and now I just found out today had yet another baby that was born 5 weeks early, is in the NICU with drugs in his system and had to be resusciated. I am just so angry right now I can't see straight. I can't believe someone can be so stupid and uncaring to do drugs while pregnant! I don't have the slightest idea who this baby's father is but it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't know either.

Here I am struggling to have a baby and Jessica can do all these horrible horrible things and just keep having babies that she can't take care of. Can anyone tell me how any of that makes sense? Sorry I am rambling on about this but I am just floored. I know some of the things I said about her aren't nice but I am telling you all they are the honest to god truth. Its amazing how normal her older sister turned out and that she has her own three boys that she adopted because she has PCOS like I do and is home schooling them and giving them all a great life. I hope that Jessica's three kids have someone to do this for them because its obvious that their mother isn't capable of it.

You know I wonder, what if I hadn't pushed her away. What if I had tried to stay friends with her? What if I worked harder to help her be a better person? I really think I tried. I tried for many years and she would work at it for a couple of months to stay out of trouble and then she would just get sucked back in. I can't say I didn't try but what if I had tried harder? Her parents told her lots of times that I was a good influence on her. I guess I am just lucky that I am smart enough not to let her bad influence make me the kind of person she is.

Hope

2009-04-27T08:07:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks I have missed church. Just too many things going on and then yesterday for some dumb reason my alarm didn't go off. It did it again this morning too but this time the thunder and rain woke me up so I didn't miss anything. I think going to church and listening to them talk about God and how he does what's best does help a little bit. Not that I am overly happy that he seems to think that making me go through all this is what's best but I guess the reasoning behind that will be shown to me in time. Maybe, its to teach me patience of which right now I have very little depending on the subject. With children I have a lot of patience I think, with adults that should already know better I have none...lol.

The main reason I am having so much difficulty right now is that my monetary resources are running dangerously low and next month will likely be our last show until next year which really sucks! Maybe we won't need it but who knows. I will go to the doctor tomorrow for a sonogram to see if my ovaries are ready to release eggs and then he will tell me when to do the trigger shot which will probably be Wednesday or Thursday.

So, if you have uncrossed them then I am going to need you to recross all those fingers and toes!

Doing better...

2009-04-22T19:48:00.002-05:00

I am doing better today than I have been. If you caught the short-lived blog from Sunday night before I removed it you know what I mean.

These hormone injections have had a different effect on me this time around than it did the last time. You know that little filter in your head that tells you when you should keep your opinions to yourself and stuff like that? Well, mine seemed to be on vacation for a few days. Don't get me wrong, I meant everything I said its just normally something that I would just keep to myself. Jason got the brunt of this but he takes it so well and let's me apologize later. He knows I am going through a lot right now and he takes good care of me.

He is considering the IUI route for next month. I know its not the greatest economy to have a baby in right now but I have already spent so much money on all this that it would be a big waste of money if I stop now. The IUI is a little bigger of a deal for him than for me so I told him it was his decision. There is still a large chance that even that won't work. Anyway, I go back to the doctor on Tuesday next week to check my ovaries to see if they are ready to release an egg. He did give me one new medication this month. He said its a steroid but either I didn't catch the reason for it or he just failed to explain that part I don't remember which. There is so much to remember when you are trying to get all your questions answered at once.

Mad post

2009-04-17T10:34:00.002-05:00

WARNING: I am pretty mad right now so if you are someone that might get your feelings hurt by what I am about to say you should stop reading now.

So I just got back from the doctor. He said everything is fine and we are going for round 2. That's not what I am pissed about. What I am pissed about is that I went to get my prescriptions filled and last time they were $290 which was PLENTY. For some reason this time my total was $441! I don't know what the difference is. I got everything that I got the last time. Maybe its because it was a different pharmacy. The last time I went to see him I had to go to his Irving office because that's where he was the day I needed to see him. He sent me across the street from his office to Target because he knows their pharmacy carries what I need. Today I went to his Arlington office and he sent me to Randol Mill Pharmacy for the same reason. Its solely a pharmacy so maybe they charge more. My problem is that I am using an flexible spending account that only has $2000 for the YEAR in it. I have already used half of that. So now after today's fiasco I only have about $500 left. Which means, I really only have one more shot at this if this month doesn't work. I can't afford to pay this out of my pocket. The doctor did mention the IUI option. I asked how much that cost and he said if my insurance won't cover any of it (which they won't) then it will be $260. That isn't bad at all. I thought it would be way more than that. Jason really doesn't want to go this route but if it doesn't work this month and I try again next month and it doesn't work then I won't be able to afford to do all this again until next year. I don't know that I can handle that.

What pisses me off is that I don't think its fair at all for me to have to take out a loan in order to have a child. What did I do to deserve to have to go through so much when others can just blink their eyes or wiggle their nose when they want to have a baby and poof their pregnant. Even people that it takes a year or so to get pregnant have it easy compared to all this. I have two more chances technically and then if I choose to continue I will literally have to find a way to take out a loan or something and that is just not right. I mean really, is there some cosmic force that is telling me not to have a baby? Did I do something that is making me be punished? WHY?!?! That is what I want to know. I know, I know, everyone says it will happen if its meant to but COME ON! There are people out there that have no sense whatsoever that treat their kids like shit and they can pop them out left and right. People that leave their kids in dumpsters! I am just mad and upset and just don't understand at all. I am tired of putting on a happy face and just doing this and pretending everything is ok. ITS NOT!

Better luck next month

2009-04-16T09:32:00.001-05:00

I started my period last night. I go back to the doctor tomorrow.

Still no period...

2009-04-15T10:04:00.003-05:00

I called the doctor and they told me what I expected them to. I need to wait a couple more days and if still no period test again. Oh the waiting.....WHAT FUN!

So far...

2009-04-14T07:51:00.001-05:00

only one line. :-(

Guess I'll call the doctor tomorrow, there is still no period.

I need something to do...

2009-04-11T23:06:00.003-05:00

I slept too late this morning. Now I can't go to sleep when I need to. So naturally if I can't sleep my mind begins to wander and then I am thinking of so many different things that even once I get sleepy I can't go to sleep. There is nothing on TV and nothing online interesting. So I guess I will sit here and watch Family Matters until I can't hold my eyes open anymore.

10 more days

2009-04-06T19:02:00.002-05:00

So this is a pretty crazy place to be. I have weird pains and cramps in my girlie area. Not really like ovary pain. I have had that long enough I know what that feels like. I don't know if that means something is in fact happening, if its my imagination, or if its just ovaries and/or uterus protesting all the hormones. I notice everything that is not ordinary for me. I don't exactly expect for this to have worked the first time around but of course I hope for it. 10 days until I can technically test. I haven't even bought a test yet because I know myself and I will get impatient and do it anyway and it will just be a waste of money. I will go buy one when its time to test. I just hope I don't go insane before then. :-)

So THESE are the mood swings I have heard so much about

2009-04-01T08:48:00.003-05:00

Wow, I woke up this morning in the most depressed state I think I have ever been in. I had to make myself get out of bed. Then by the time I was ready for work and driving to the office I was fighting back tears. I just wanted to go back home and curl up in bed next to my husband and not talk to anyone. Then I get to work and barely sit my butt in the chair and I have 3 people immediately asking me questions. Sheesh! Can't I breath for a second? Now I think I am back to a semi-normal mood but apparently that may change in the next couple of minutes.

Kelsey did my injection for me last night because it has to be administered in the hip. Boy my hip is sore now. I expected that because I had been reading about it and lots of people said they were sore for a couple of days afterward. No signs yet as to if its working quite yet but I guess it needs some time. I did the fertility monitor this morning like I have been every morning for the past 16 days and it hasn't indicated ovulation yet. Hopefully it will tomorrow!

I am hanging on tight. This could be a bumpy ride!

Doctor visit this morning

2009-03-30T12:41:00.002-05:00

Ok so my post last night was to prepare you all in how to deal with me if the doctor today told me the injections weren't working. Well....guess what! They ARE working! He did a sonogram and my left ovary does have a follicle that is ready to release an egg!!! I have to do what's called and HCG shot tomorrow evening which is the hormone that will tell my ovary to release the egg. He said if I don't have my period in two weeks to do a home pregnancy test and call him. Wow! That is going to be the longest two weeks ever!

Interesting post

2009-03-29T19:18:00.002-05:00

I found this on another blog that I read. The girl has PCOS also. I thought I would share it because she says it and explains it way better than I can.

"How to be Good Friends with an Infertile

I have quite a few ‘normal’ friends (i.e. not infertile) who read this blog. (I am so far out the closet it is frightening, even my brother and ex flirts read this blog). Imagine how confusing most of the lingo must be for them. Anyhow. Back to the point of this post. One of those friends said to me “I wish you would write about how to be a good friend to an infertile person”. Which is really sweet of her and shows she has already passed one of the requirements. So I started thinking about writing a post on this and realized what a hard task this is. How do you become a Good Friend to an Infertile?Firstly, I have to say that this being a Good Friend to an Infertile is not an easy job at all. It is a job with fluid parameters, a thankless job sometimes and one where it might appear that no matter how hard you try, you never seem to get it right. There are times when you will be extremely busy and the job is very demanding. There are other times where you will benched, forced to sit on the outside looking in. There is not often any logic in this change of demand. Be aware of the volatility of work pressure when applying for this job. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.Secondly, there is not a universal job description, and worst of all, your job duties will change over time. There is not a universal job description because Infertiles come in different flavors. True, one can categorize these flavors to some extent, but variations will always exist. Your eternal optimist / newbie / completely uninvolved infertile doesn’t need too much in the way of special friendship; they believe the problem is temporary and will get resolved soon. They don’t feel broken, different or an outcast. Your longer term / highly involved infertile is a very tricky beast, and is one to be handled with great caution and protective gloves (for you, not her). This person feels alienated from society and carries great pain and angst in their souls. They might not show it all the time, but there is a very sensitive, raw spot in their souls that is easily bruised. Then you get the older timers, who’ve been doing this so long it just becomes part of who they are. These infertiles have gone through the great angst and intense pain of the ‘dark years’ and have come out realizing that while infertility is ****, it is not all consuming. And instead of crying, they laugh. Because infertility is actually a comedy of errors, sometimes.Infertiles tend to move through these stages at different pace. Which makes it very hard being a Good Friend to an Infertile, because the type of friendship involved is so different at each stage. It is very very hard being a Good Friend to someone stuck in the dark stage of infertility. It is a very painful place for an infertile to be. There is no hope, just a great deep dark sense of despair. You feel totally alienated from the rest of the world and you are consumed by your situation. Every thing hurts, and every thing has the power to hurt you. Your world shrinks to the world of infertility and you fight tooth and nail to protect the fragile hold you have on sanity. The best advice I can give to a Good Friend at this stage is to offer friendship and support, from a distance. Say things like “I am here for you if you want to talk, or not talk, or drink, or swear, or shop. But if you don’t want to that’s perfectly ok. I’ll be here waiting for you when YOU are ready to come out the cave”. If you can bare it, hang in there, your friendship should return to some semblance of its previous form once your Infertile has worked her way through her dark despair. It has nothing to do with you or you ability to friend, it has every thing to do with her coping with the horrible reality of her situation.Being a Good Friend to the eternal optimist or the good-humored veteran is a lot easier, with these few survival tips.

1. Good Friends never judge. Remember that unless you’ve walked in the person’s shoes, you can’t say “well I would never….do IVF/terminate a pg/spend so much money on ART etc” To be honest, who likes judgmental people any way.

2. Good Friends will educate themselves about what their Infertile is going through. HUGE proviso: see point 3 before putting any thing into action. Read up about infertility so that you get a high-level understanding of the intricacies involved. Know little things like eggs are retrieved, then fertilized and they become embryos. Then the embryos are put back. Just small things so that when your infertile does share some of her world with you, you will understand. I think this shows commitment to the friendship.

3. However. Do not willy nilly offer advice, or hot off the press latest research about a fantastic new procedure that is sure to work. Remember the stuff they write about in your local woman’s magazine is stuff that your Infertile did in Infertility 101. Been there, failed that. ICSI is not a new procedure, I promise. And yes, we have heard of taking cough syrup to increase cervical mucous. Oh, and for my Aunt, yes I have heard of lying with my legs in the air after having sex. Unfortunately, I have PCO and don’t ovulate so I could be lying with my legs in the air doing bicycle movements till the cows come home and all the sperm are going to do is mill around confused asking where the **** the egg is, bemoaning the fact that this has been a useless trip out and they might as well have had a wank. Which goes back to Point 2. Educate yourself about your friend’s diagnosis so that you can avoid offering pointless advice. And please, what ever you do, never, ever be so stupid as to say “just relax”. Would you say to a cancer patient “just relax”? Would you say to someone who can’t see “just relax”? Of course you wouldn’t. Plus you have to know that “just relaxing” will not change the medical diagnosis that is causing your friends infertility. Because of course you’ve done enough reading to carry on an intelligent conversation, if your Infertile decides to engage you in one.

4. Platitudes. Never ever offer platitudes. This is a totally selfish act any way because all platitudes do is make you feel better and the Infertile feel worse. Saying “maybe you are not meant to have children” is an incredibly stupid thing to say. You wouldn’t say to a diabetic “maybe you weren’t meant to have insulin etc”. Infertility is a medical condition. Not some factor in the universe’s bigger plan for the Infertile. Similar to “its God will”. How the **** do you know? You have a direct connection or what? How about “are you sure you want kids?” lovingly looking at your own screaming kids. No dear, I am spending thousands and enduring physical, emotional and mental anguish just because I am obscenely stupid. Or “you can have mine”. Now that’s an incredibly stupid thing to say. What kind of mother are you to give her kids away? Oh you were only joking? What was the funny part? That I don’t have my own kids? Sorry, but I am not getting the joke? Call me stupid. In addition, please don’t tell me about your friend/cousin/co-worker who got pg naturally after 8 years of trying. It doesn’t make me feel better, it depresses me. Good for her. It’s got nothing to do with my situation. ( This is my favorite part)

5. The tricky one. Announcing pregnancies / baby showers / births and other kid things. The best advice I can give here is trust the Infertile to know what she can or can’t handle. Don’t hide things from her, but respect it when she says to you “I don’t think I am going to be able to handle that”. Your Infertile knows when her good days and bad days are, and what she can or can’t handle. But do invite her, give her the choice of saying no. And then respect her to know that sometimes she needs to protect her own fragile soul more than she needs to fulfill social obligations.

6. The level of involvement. Infertiles differ in the level of involvement they engage their Good Friends in. Some, like me, are pretty open about the whole thing. Every Friend and their Mother knows when I am going in for ER, ET or whatever. Other people prefer to keep their infertility private. Find out what your Infertile prefers and operate at the level she feels comfortable with.

7. Which brings to me to my final point. If you don’t know how to act, ask. I love that my friends ask me how I want them to act around me. They also know that if they ask the question “how is it going with your treatment” I will either tell them or I will say “irritating, I don’t want to talk about it now”. They totally respect that and don’t push. I have great friends.There have been many articles written on the web about what to say and not to say to an Infertile, how the family should act etc. I wont go into those. If you are a Good Friend you will have done a little surfing and read those things anyway. Besides, this post is already way too long.To end off, if you decide to accept the job of Good Friend to an Infertile, I applaud you. Because it is not an easy job. It really isn’t. As I have said, it’s a pretty thankless job and one in which your job description is so fluid that what is required today is wrong tomorrow. "

Jason's job interview

2009-03-26T16:37:00.002-05:00

As most of you know Jason's current job is really sucking it up right now. They send him home by about 11am everyday because there is not enough work to keep them busy. He has been looking for a new job and has had a couple of small interviews. I say small because it was one of those things where he goes in to fill out an application and they talk to him right then. Anyway, he had a job interview today at a company called Plumbing RX. They are interviewing for someone to come in there and help them get organized. He said they are a bunch of plumbers that have done a crappy job of running the office and they need someone to do that for them. They are offering him $4 more an hour than he is getting paid right now! Jason said he thinks it went well and he emphasized to the guy multiple times that he has done this before and he can help them. The guy told him he has two more interviews next week and that he should hear from him by Wednesday. Please pray, dance, stand on your head, whatever it is that works for you to help him get this job. I really think he would be good at it and it would be good for him. Also of course, we could use the extra money!

Hanging on to hope...

2009-03-25T11:52:00.003-05:00

Well I have been using the Clearblue Easy fertility monitor. Every morning the first thing I do is pee on a stick...lol. Well for the last week it has been at low fertility, which it should have been, but then this morning it went to HIGH fertility!!! There is one more step up which is peak fertility which is supposed to be the actual day of ovulation so hopefully it will go up to that next but this is a step in the right direction!

I have had a rough day today. I found out two co-workers just found out they are pregnant and there are two others that are due to deliver in the next few weeks. Plus, my sister and another friend are due this summer! Whatever they are drinking or breathing or whatever I want some!

This little bit of extra good news is getting me through the day though. :-)

Just jabbering...

2009-03-24T08:39:00.003-05:00

When I first heard that I would be doing Clomid AND the Menopur injections I was afraid that I was going to have some crazy mood swings. So far, I haven't really, no more than normal anyway. I did notice that one of the side effects on the Menopur is dizziness, which I get on a normal basis anyway so that is nothing new to me. I have noticed if I am sitting down not moving everyone once in a while the room starting to spin a little but its nothing I can't handle.

The injections aren't bad at all. The hardest part is actually mixing the diluent with the powder and then getting it all in the syringe. The needle that you administer it with is maybe an inch long so its really not a big deal. The first one I did I was a little nervous about sticking myself but now its not hard. I only have to do them three times. Tonight will be my last one then I will go back to the doctor on the 30th and he said he will do another sonogram. I am not exactly sure what that will show but I guess I will find out.

When I first found out I would be doing all this I was really positive and hopeful that it was going to work and it's not that I'm not now it's just that I really want it to and I am nervous that I am not doing something right when it comes to the injections or I am not taking the Clomid pills at the right time. I don't know. I am very nervous about this and I REALLY want it to work! The time is going by really slowly right now and I am very impatient! I just know that it could get worse before it gets better money wise with all these treatments and I really don't want it to!

YAY!!

2009-03-20T10:44:00.003-05:00

I just got back from the doctor. It went really well. I am happy with the news. He said my ovaries look good. There are no cysts. He gave me the prescription for the Clomid and the injections which are called Menopur. The nurse showed me how to do the injections. They are just into my stomach and seem relatively easy. I am supposed to start them tonight. He sent me across the street from his office to Target's pharmacy because he said a lot of places don't carry the Menopur but he knew they did so I went over there and got my prescriptions and now I am back at work. I am in a great mood! Its beautiful outside, I heard what I wanted to hear from the doctor, I even got to talk to Addie Waddie on the phone and it seems to be slow here at work so its more of a relaxed setting instead of stressful and ITS FRIDAY!

Keep those fingers and toes crossed that these injections work! It seems to have worked so far!

Its getting better

2009-03-18T12:26:00.002-05:00

I am finally starting to feel better. No fever today. I still have the weird hangy ball thing tickling my tonsils and causing me to cough and/or gag but everything else seems considerably better.

I called the doctor this morning (which was a very interesting phone call since I gag or cough after every 3 words) and made an appointment for my sonogram. I go in at 8:45 on Friday morning. I hope everyone still has all their fingers, toes, and whatever else crossed!

The past three days have SUCKED!

2009-03-17T17:52:00.002-05:00

So Thursday night I was up most of the night with a bad cough. I thought since it was about to be the weekend I decided I would go to the doctor Friday to get some antibiotics or something so I wouldn't get worse over the weekend. He said I had an upper respiratory infection. Well that plan failed. Saturday was about like Friday just coughing and lots of congestion. Sunday I went to church and by the time I got home I was dying. I had fever and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I got home and went straight to bed. I slept on and off and just felt like complete crap. Monday I woke up and still felt horrible. I was running 101 fever. I called the doctor's office and they told me to come back in but they couldn't get me in until 3. I took Advil and it helped keep my fever down for a while. I went to the doctor and he determined that I now also had strep. he said my tonsils are so swollen that they are touching each other. So now he has given me more antibiotics and wants me to take them 4 times a day instead of 2 times. After I got home from the doctor my fever went back up to 101.5. I took some Advil and it would not go down. So because I was so miserable I took more Advil but it still didn't phase it, my fever was actually still slowly going up. I finally gave up and got into bed. With all the coughing and stuff I was still doing I took some Tylenol PM to help me sleep and I guess that along with the Advil finally broke my fever and I woke up in a pool of sweat. GROSS! Anyway, I woke up again this morning with 100.8 fever which was better than it was. I got it to go down with Advil and I don't think I have had any more since. Now I am experiencing the craziest thing. You know that little hangy ball thing in the back of your throat, its called your uvula, well my tonsils are so swollen that if I try to talk or a lean my head just right it touches my tonsils and makes me gag. Its the craziest thing. I told Jason I never knew I could choke on my own tonsils....lol. So anyway, today has been a little better and I can finally see some improvement so hopefully I am almost done with this crap.

On a different note, I also started today so I should be going in for my sonogram on Thursday or Friday. I will update after I am done there.

My sister is having a BOY!

2009-03-12T14:59:00.001-05:00

Now wouldn't it be nice for him to have a cousin his age to play with? :-)

A few thoughts

2009-03-09T11:22:00.004-05:00

For some reason I am more hopeful with this next process than I have been with the rest. Maybe its because we actually did surgery and made a real change and not just with drugs. Maybe its because this is something new and supposed to be more likely to work. I am not sure what it is. It quite possibly could just be that I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and it doesn't help matters any so I have decided to stop being negative and have a positive outlook. Who knows, but whatever makes me feel better right? :-)

I have 3 more pills to take and then I will be on my way to starting. I will probably start this weekend and go to the doctor Monday or Tuesday next week and get the show on the road. Everyone keep your fingers, toes, eyes, or whatever crossed!

Doctor's appt

2009-03-04T12:21:00.002-06:00

So I just got back from the fertility doctor. Just as I expected he gave me Provera to make me have a period. I will go back to him on the third day of my period so he can do a sonogram and see what my ovaries are up to. He said if everything looks good and there appears to be a regular size follicle trying to release an egg he will then give me Clomid PLUS injections. He said the injections will boost the probability of the Clomid working. Once I do that I will go back on the 13th day of my cycle (I have never had to count so closely) for another sonogram. That's it for now. Keep your fingers crossed!

Going back!

2009-03-02T13:22:00.001-06:00

I am going back to the fertility doctor on Wednesday at 11am. I have not had a period on my own so I assume they will just give me something to make me and then we will start down whatever road they recommend. I will update after the appointment to let everyone know what we decide.

Waiting two weeks...

2009-02-17T15:55:00.002-06:00

So I just got back from the doctor and he suggested that we wait a couple of weeks and see if my body is going to do what its supposed to. It hasn't been long enough since the surgery to know if I am going to ovulate on my own or not so we are going to wait and see if I have a period without inducing it with drugs. Keep your fingers crossed!

P.S.
Forgot to mention he told me my pathology results of the cyst and no signs of cancer or anything like that. Just FYI.

Update

2009-02-11T11:04:00.001-06:00

Nothing new to report really. I am waiting to get my Flexible Spending Account debit card from work before I go any farther. Hopefully that will be soon and then I will go back to the fertility doctor. I just didn't want anyone to think I have fallen off the planet. I will post again as soon as there is more information :-)

I am still alive

2009-01-20T09:46:00.003-06:00

I am alive. The surgery went fine. All the information I was given was given to me while I was still in a very groggy anesthesia state so I am not sure if I remember it all but what I do remember is that he was able to remove the cyst. He said that the cyst was blocking part of my fallopian tube so there may be some damage to it but he doesn't think so. He did ovarian drilling also so hopefully that will help me ovulate too. He took pictures of all this they are kind of icky looking to me but I could scan them and put them on here if anyone is interested in seeing them. My ovaries look like they have been burned with a cigarette which is where he did the holes. Its pretty crazy looking. Anyway, I am doing ok. I am very sore but with the help of hydrocodone and ibuprofen I can tolerate it. My incisions are very small. There are three of them and they are maybe a quarter of an inch long. So I think once my insides recover from their traumatic event I will be ok. I appreciate everyone checking on me and I will keep you posted.

Surgery is tomorrow...

2009-01-18T09:29:00.001-06:00

My surgery is tomorrow at 7:30am at North Hills Hospital in North Richland Hills. Hopefully I will be home about noon. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that this works!

Maybe it will happen this time...

2009-01-14T08:16:00.006-06:00

I went to the new OBGYN yesterday. He asked me about all the things I have tried with the other doctors just so that he knew what was going on. He said he could remove the cyst laproscopically like my other OBGYN told me. We discussed it and he is also going to do the ovarian drilling (See below). So my surgery, provided the hospital doesn't want $2000 right away, should be Monday at North Hills Hospital. I'll let everyone know how it goes.

******Laparoscopic ovarian drilling is a surgical treatment that can trigger ovulation in women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Electrocautery or a laser is used to destroy parts of the ovaries.
This surgery is not commonly used. But it can be an option for women who are still not ovulating after losing weight and trying fertility medicines.
Ovarian drilling is usually done through a small incision (laparoscopy), with general anesthesia. The surgeon makes a small cut (incision) in the abdomen at the belly button. The surgeon then places a tube to inflate the abdomen with a small amount of carbon dioxide gas so that he or she can insert the viewing instrument (laparoscope) without damage to the internal organs. The surgeon looks through the laparoscope at the internal organs. Surgical instruments may be inserted through the same incision or other small incisions in the pelvic area.

Ok so...

2008-12-29T22:50:00.002-06:00

all of my close female friends except one are now pregnant. Hopefully, someday, I will get my turn too.

Update: Went back to the fertility doctor on the 16th. Cyst had gotten larger, he told me to go see my OBGYN to see about getting it removed. I called my OBGYN from my car in the parking lot and they got me right in. I went in to see him we scheduled surgery for 12/31.

The hospital called to let me know how much I had to pay. For some crazy reason they want my full $2000 deductible up front. NOT happening! How many people do you know that can fork over that much money at once? So, I spoke to the lady that scheduled me at the doctor's office and she said that all the hospitals they use do that. Well, I have had back surgery and wrist surgery in the last 3 years and no one has ever asked me for my full deductible up front. So, I decided that was my sign or cue to find another doctor, so I cancelled the surgery. Melinda recommended her doctor to me so I have made an appointment to go see him on January 13th. Hopefully, he will get me in soon to have the cyst removed and I will become a baby making machine!.....LOL....I realize that is not going to happen but its a nice thought. I think the plan is to have the cyst removed then I will go back to the RE and he will probably try the clomid again and then move on to the shots if that doesn't work. Time will tell I guess....

Back to the doctor

2008-12-15T09:55:00.002-06:00

I will go in for another sonogram on my ovaries on Wednesday at 9:30. I'll update as soon as I can.

2008-12-12T11:50:00.002-06:00

Last pill yesterday. Bleeding will start soon. Then I'll go back to the doctor. That's all for now.

Back on track

2008-11-07T22:19:00.002-06:00

I don't remember if I mentioned in my last post that I found my doctor's email address on their office website. I emailed him and told him what the other doctor had said and told him that I just needed to know if this is what he thought also. I told him that I didn't think that this was the direction he was headed because if it was the birth control is pointless. When I got in to work this morning I had a response from him. He said that he did want to see if the cyst went down and that if it did he would try me on Clomid again but we can't do that until the cyst goes down and he told me he would be in the office today so if I could I should come in and let him do the sonogram. So I called as soon as they opened and when I say "as soon as they opened" I mean they opened at 8:00 and I called at 8:02...lol. She got me in at 10 and I had my sonogram done. He said that the cyst has gone down some just not enough to do the Clomid. He wants me to try another month of birth control and he said we could potentially do this for 6 months but if it hasn't gone down by the he would refer me to another doctor to have it laproscopically removed. He said he will be able to tell in the next month or so if there is any chance of this working in 6 months otherwise we won't do it that long and he will send me to the other doctor. I asked him if this would be the same as the ovary drilling I have read about where they go in and drill holes in the ovaries to help release eggs. He said no that is different but it would be a good idea to have it done all at the same time. So anyway, I am going to do the birth control again and see what happens next month. The question of the day is.....WHY didn't the other doctor say that?!?! My opinion is that he just flat out didn't give a damn. He didn't bother to read my chart to see what was going on. Then today I go in and the nurse remembers seeing me the day before but looks and there is NOTHING in my chart about me seeing the other doctor so there is nothing in there about what he told me. WHAT A FREAKIN MORON! So I told the receptionist to put an alert on my account (I know they can because they use our software) that I do NOT want to EVER be seen by Dr. Le again. I try really hard not to be a racist or prejudice but all I can say about that idiot is he is a stupid chink!

Well that's it for now. I am back on my original track just a slight derailment. We will see what it looks like again next month! Let's just hope I don't bleed to death by then!....LOL

Read With Caution...

2008-11-06T19:11:00.002-06:00

I think I am calm enough now to say this without two many bad words slipping but I make no promises.

Today I went to the doctor. The doctor I saw was not my normal doctor because he was out on vacation. He came in, looked at my chart, and then asked me if I had been given anything to make me ovulate. I told him my OBGYN had given me clomid but my hormone levels never changed enough for them to know for sure if I ovulated or not. He then proceeded to ask me if I could afford $600 to $700 a month for injections. I told him not right away. So then he said there was nothing more he could do for me! He said I could try losing weight and then my body may start ovulating on its own. I was so mad and upset I didn't ask questions and I barely even listened to him from that point on. He did give me a prescription for progesterone which will keep me regular as far as my periods go but probably won't help me ovulate.

I left and cried most of the way from the doctor's office back to work. All this sounded like to me was that he was telling me I was too poor and too fat to help. Then I started thinking, the doctor I have been seeing seemed to have many more options he was thinking of trying. I think this doctor just didn't want to deal with it. He didn't even do the sonogram which is the whole reason I was there! So this afternoon I looked at their website and got my normal doctors email address and emailed and told him everything that happened and everything the other doctor said and asked him to let me know if this is really my only option because he led me to believe that there were other things we could try.

So now I feel like I am back at step one because The sonogram wasn't done so we don't know if the cyst on my ovary went down or not.

WHAT A BUNCH OF FREAKIN CRAP!

The votes are in!

2008-11-04T15:41:00.002-06:00

My body is jacked up! Seriously though, I stopped bleeding finally on Wednesday of last week then yesterday evening I realize its back! Today I am back to full flow and I still have 8 pills left of my birth control! I haven't missed a pill or anything. So I called the doctor's office since I am supposed to go in on the third day of my next period and I asked her if I should consider this my period even though I shouldn't even be bleeding or what. She went ahead and scheduled me to come back in on Thursday for a sonogram. She said she isn't sure why I am already bleeding so it wouldn't hurt for the doctor to look and see if the cyst has gone down. I guess we will see on Thursday!

It STOPPED...

2008-10-29T12:49:00.000-05:00

It actually STOPPED finally!

Nothing new

2008-10-28T21:41:00.002-05:00

There isn't much going on at the moment I don't think. I got my car back, got it inspected again and it passed, I have to take it back to the body shop at some point because the driver side door doesn't close right. I can hear air whistling when I drive. I am not overly impressed with that body shop. I thought if I took it to a dealership body shop they would do a better job but not so much. Anyway, thats about it for now. I have a headache. I believe I will go to bed.

I got it back!

2008-10-23T18:48:00.002-05:00

Well I got my car back today. Even though they tried to inspect it for me and it FAILED! They said that I could drive it for about 50 miles and it will reset the modules or something then I can bring it back and they will do it again at no charge since I already paid. Thats really no big deal I guess. I am going out to my sister's tomorrow so I will easily get the 50 miles in. Anyway, after driving a brand new car for almost a month and then getting into my really not new car it really magnifies the crappiness but eh, what are you gonna do? It looks like its supposed to I guess. It drives like it supposed to I guess, its hard to remember specifically what was normal because it has been almost a month since I have driven it. One thing I do know for sure is that it still tries to DIE after I start it and go to pull out of my parking spot at work. DAMN CAR!

On the other main subject in my life.....I think I might bleed to death!

My car

2008-10-22T18:54:00.002-05:00

Nope, still don't have it back. Everyday this week I call Allstate and everyday I am told that they are approving the extra costs and they are sending the paperwork to the body shop and everyday this week I call the body shop and they say they still haven't heard from them. So today I go through the whole routine again and at 5 o'clock I call Allstate AGAIN because I had to leave him a voicemail when I called him earlier and he puts me on hold and calls the body shop. He comes back and tells me everything is taken care of an I should be able to pick up my car tomorrow. So I will call the body shop in the morning and make sure I can pick it up before I return the rental. Keep your fingers crossed!

Oh and since its been almost a month since the accident and inspection was about to expire when I got in the accident its now WAY past due and illegal so I called the body shop and asked them if they have a way to get it inspected and since they are a dealership they do have a service center that will do it so she said they would take it over and get it inspected for me and I can just pay for it when I pick it up. Let's hope that all goes well too!

I know...

2008-10-21T14:31:00.002-05:00

that having my period will make me healthier in the female aspect but IT IS NOT FUN! When its been as long as it has for me since my last period once I have a period it is HORRIBLE. CAUTION: TOO MUCH INFO coming up....

Sunday was a horrible day. My back hurt, I was bleeding profusely, and I felt like complete and total crap! I literally had to "go to the bathroom" every 30 minutes in order to not make a complete mess. During the night between Sunday and Monday I set the alarm for every 2 hours so I could get up and check to make sure there was and would be no mess. That is INSANE! I happened to have some prescription strength Ibuprofen that my doctor gave me for my back and also some hydrocodone. Taking both of the didn't even completely stop the cramps and did absolutely nothing for my back. It was not fun (did I say that already?). If this is the way its going to be every time I have a period then I have changed my mind. I don't want to be healthy female wise. Maybe I don't even want to have my own biological child. I give up! I will adopt!

No really, the horrible stuff only lasted about 24 hours and I guess I can handle that if someone could promise me that going through that once a month would eventually give me a baby. From what I have been told it was only that bad because it had been so long since my last period and if I stay normal it will not be that bad again. Let's hope!

I woke up Monday morning (after being up every 2 hours) and felt fine. The crazy bleeding had slowed down and I no longer felt like something was trying to claw its way out of my stomach (I might expect to feel this way if I were pregnant but I'm not!). Anyway, I have started the birth control now and should have another normal period next month. Let's hope it goes better than this one!

OUCH!

2008-10-17T20:06:00.003-05:00

I had my sonogram today. It was kinda painful. If I hadn't already been on pain meds for my back I may have come off that chair!

Anyway, there does appear to be a large cyst on my left ovary. He had a hard time seeing my left ovary because it was hiding behind my uterus. After moving that thing around in there and trying to push my uterus out of the way (the painful part) he did get a glimpse but I think it was inconclusive.

He put me on birth control. Yes, I go to the doctor to try and have a baby and he puts me on birth control!...LOL....Kind of backwards if you ask me but he said that this will give my ovaries a "rest" and hopefully will make the cyst go down on its own. I will go back when my next period starts and he will look again. So until then I guess I just get to wait. Yippee for me!

Sonogram...

2008-10-15T21:18:00.001-05:00

I will have the sonogram on my ovaries on Friday. I'll let everyone know what we find out.

Nothing new really...

2008-10-08T21:25:00.002-05:00

Still waiting for my car to be repaired. Not that I am in a hurry because I LOVE the rental car but I know I can't keep it forever.

A few more days of the Provera and then I will go in for the sonogram. I will update once I know what's next.

In the mean time, here is a picture of Addisyn. She turned 2 last week!

Ok....I take it back...for now!

2008-10-04T20:10:00.003-05:00

So I got up at 8 this morning and called Allstate. Come to find out the $3000 check was for the REPAIRS on my car. Well someone should have told me! The lady I talked to said the guy that did the estimate tried to call me but the number he had was disconnected. I asked her if she could see what the number was and she said it was a cell phone number I had like 5 years ago! I have no idea how they got that number. My dad said maybe the loan company on the car but I was thinking about it and the home number he had was our apartment we lived in before we moved into the house and we didn't even have the car then. We didn't get the car until 2 years after we moved here. Who knows! So anyway she read me an email it says he sent me (which I didn't get). It said that he had estimated the damage to be $3004.28. I could take the car to the body shop of my choice and then if they get in there and it cost more that they estimated the body shop could bill them directly. Once all that was clarified and my blood pressure went back down below boiling I got out the phone book and looked for the closest Dodge dealership. I decided to have them take it to Allen Samuels Dodge. I called the wrecker service and they said they could get it there today. So my car should be there now and they should start its reconstructive surgery on Monday. My poor car looked so pitiful sitting in that wrecking yard and torn up and FILTHY. Hopefully it will be all better and get a bath before I get it back.

So sorry for the crazy lady post last night but as you can tell I was EXTREMELY upset. I am all better now!

I give up!

2008-10-03T21:41:00.003-05:00

I am tired of this game. I don't even want to play a new one. I want to just sit in my house and do nothing until the roof falls in on my head which with my luck might possibly be tomorrow. I got home from work today, checked the mail and found three envelopes from Allstate. The first one was the check for $500 that they offered me for my "pain and suffering". The second one was a check for $3004.82. Yep! Thats right! They totaled my f***ing car!!!!!!!!! Did they call and tell me? NO! Did they even call and tell me that they had even been to look at it? NO again! I haven't heard a WORD from them since the lady called me about "the injury portion of my claim". Usually if I received a $3000 check in the mail I would be ecstatic but not when its supposed to pay for something that I owe over $6000 on! I tried to call them and they were already closed so I will be calling at 8am tomorrow morning for some answers and I am not getting off the phone until someone tells me what the hell I am supposed to do. I have this rental car they are supposed to be paying for. How much longer do I get to keep it? No one has said ANYTHING.

I am so tired of getting the shit end of the stick. I can't do anything right. We finally get the money to be able to go to the doctor about the fertility situation and BAM something happens and shoots everything to hell. I give up! I can't afford a new car, I can't afford a baby, I can't afford SHIT because everytime I make a little leeway and start towards a goal something else knocks me back UNDER the ladder. Why do I even try? Sorry for the language but I am so pissed right now its all I can do to keep from throwing something through a window! I'll just sit here and be pissed off and cry and maybe someday SOMETHING will go right.

I know there are people that have worse luck than me but in my world this is pretty shitty. You know, I help others as much as I can. I have friends that have no money and I let them come over, I feed them dinner, give them gas money if I can. I even once gave a co-worker $50 so she could go to the doctor and get prescriptions because she was sick and couldn't afford to go. Why do I deserve all this? Did I do something that I am not aware of? Will the bad "karma" or whatever you want to call it EVER go away?

Irritated!

2008-10-02T18:52:00.003-05:00

I still haven't heard anything from the insurance company on my car. I have some weirdo calling me every hour wanting to "help" me. She says she can get my car out of the impound and it not cost me any money. I told her that the insurance company should be getting it out of the impound so it won't cost me any money anyway. She said something about making so I don't have to pay my deductible. I told her I am not at fault and its not going through my insurance so I don't have to pay a deductible. She then asked why I won't let her help me. Hmmm....let me think.....I DON'T NEED HELP! How hard is that to understand? So finally after trying to get her off the phone for almost 20 minutes I just tell her I need to talk to my husband and I will let her know. Well she proceeded to call me TWO more times today but I did not answer. In one of the voicemails she said that the insurance company had been to look at my car. What is she sitting watching my car??? How would she know they had been to the impound yard to look at my car otherwise? Its kind of creepy!

When I got home from work I had a message on my answering machine from the loan company. I called them back and they said they got a notice from the wrecking yard that they want a lein release so they can get rid of my car. Uh, NO! I told her that I was in an accident last week and I am just waiting for the insurance company to take care of the car. She asked if it was totaled and I told her that the insurance company hadn't notified me as to if they had looked at it yet or not. She took my claim # and the insurance adjuster's number and said she would call him. I hung up with her and called the insurance adjuster myself and his voicemail says he will be out of the office until Monday! I don't know if that means that it will just have to wait until he is back or if someone else is working on it. If something happens to my car while this moron goes on vacation there will be HELL to pay! I also tried to call the adjuster that called me about the injury portion just to see if she could look and tell me anything and she was already gone for the day so I guess I will try her tomorrow afternoon if I don't hear anything from someone before about 3 o'clock.

MY GOODNESS WHAT A MESS!!

All in all I really don't care how long they take with the whole thing as long as I can keep the rental the entire time because I LOVE that car but I don't want my car being sold at auction or something stupid in the mean time. I did get a letter from the wrecker service telling me how much it cost a day for it to be there which I faxed to the insurance company but I didn't get anything else about it needing to be moved. I guess we will see what happens.

Updates

2008-10-01T12:40:00.002-05:00

I just got back from the doctor. He gave me a prescription for Provera to make me have a period then I am supposed to go in on the third day of my period so he can do a sonogram of my ovaries to see what exactly they are doing. So then we will go from there I guess. He has lots of ideas so hopefully one of them will be successful.

The moron from Allstate called me while I was on my way back to work and just reiterated yet again why I call him the moron. He calls and asks me what the name of the place is that I want my car repaired at. I told him I didn’t have any place in mind I was just going to have it done where ever they want it done at. He said ok and that he would get an appt set up for it to be repaired. So then I asked if they had gone to look at it yet and he didn’t know so he looked and said that if they had they hadn’t put the info in the system yet. So I told him I was just curious. So then he says that he will call me once they look at it to get me set up with one of their preferred shops. So after all that there was really no reason for him to call me. Nothing was accomplished other than him making himself look like an idiot which I already knew!

Its getting better...

2008-09-30T14:56:00.003-05:00

I got a call from the insurance company this morning. It was another agent not the one I have been dealing with (which in my opinion is a complete moron). She said she is handling the injury portion of my claim because I went to the doctor. She said she understood that I had to go to the emergency room. I said no I just went to my regular doctor the morning after. She asked about how much I had to pay and I told her it was a total of $45. She then proceeded to offer me a settlement that was way over the $45 I was owed "for my pain and suffering". I was so shocked I immediately accepted it. I didn't even think about asking someone first but I really think its ok. My back was messed up way beyond the accident and I just think the accident aggravated it. I don't think it actually did anything worse to it. So thus far everything seems to be going better. I got a rental car last night with no problems. Its a Dodge Caliber which I love! Now if everyone will just keep your fingers crossed that they don't screw me over on the damage to my car everything will be honky dory. They say they will be inspecting my car "sometime in the next couple of days".

Stayed tuned! I go to the fertility specialist tomorrow so I will update when I have a chance.

What a pain in the butt!

2008-09-27T19:26:00.002-05:00

Ok so now I have talked to the insurance adjuster and given him my recorded statement BUT they can't get me a rental car until the old lady calls in and gives her recorded statement. Here is the problem. She has NO incentive to call in. Her car is fine. She can still drive around town even though she has no business driving in the first place. Yesterday I looked up the phone number to the owner of the car which happens to be her son. I politely told him that I really need his mother to call the insurance adjuster and give her statement so that I can get a car. He said he understands and that he would call and ask her to call them. Well I called again last night at about 5:15 because the guy leaves at 5:30 and he said he still hadn't heard from her! He told me that there would be people there today so if she called in she could leave her statement with them. Well I tried to call about 3 o'clock and got his voicemail and when I hit 0 to talk to an agent it said they were closed but yet his voicemail said they are open on Saturdays until 5:30! So if I couldn't get through she can't get through even if she was smart enough to hit 0 and not just leave a message. What a FREAKIN MESS!!!!

Crash, Bang, Smash Em Up!

2008-09-26T11:37:00.003-05:00

I think your keys and drivers license should be taken away on your 80th birthday if there was no cause for it prior to that! My car now has a big hole in it and needs a face reconstruction because some moron lets his 82 year old mother drive around town when she has no business behind the wheel! Here is what happened...I left work for lunch. I went down the street to Taco Bell and was on my way back. As I am driving minding my own freakin business this old lady decides that her quilting can't wait for me to go by (she was turning into the quilting store) so she jumps out in front of me and I smash into her! So after the cops get there we pull our cars into the quilting store parking lot and when she gets out of the car she has to walk with a WALKER! OMG! So then once the cop comes to talk to me after talking to her I find out that her insurance card is EXPIRED! CRAP! He says that she says she has insurance but just doesn't have a current card. Well we shall see about that. I did find out today though that she does have insurance. I have called the insurance company and gotten the claim number, now I am just waiting on the dang insurance adjuster to call me back! Doesn't look like that is going to happen today! I didn't sleep worth crap last night. The last time I saw the clock it was 2:34AM! I had to get up at 6:30 to be at the doctor's office at 8. He gave me muscle relaxers and some steroids for my back. I am so sleepy I can barely function and I am grumpy and want to go home and go to sleep! Here is a picture of my poor car. The picture really doesn't do it justice. It looks worse in person.

Anyone know of a good OB/GYN???

2008-09-24T15:28:00.003-05:00

I just got back from the OB/GYN. from having my "Well Woman" exam. I HATE THOSE THINGS!! I hate that I am going to have to replace my doctor. He is such a nice doctor. He will sit and talk and answer any questions I have. He makes you feel as comfortable as possible even though you are in a very awkward position. But for my own personal peace of mind and my family's I have to find a new one if I get pregnant. See, he delivers at Arlington Memorial and Medical Center of Arlington and my aunt who is a nurse practitioner said DO NOT GO THERE....lol....I take her advice seriously. After the issues with Addisyn when she was born and then there not being a NICU in the same hospital with my sister and Addisyn having to be taken away to another hospital I think I have learned a valuable lesson. I want a doctor that will deliver at Harris or All Saints DOWNTOWN. I really like Dr. Fielder but its not worth risking my potential child's life over. Anyone know of a good OB/GYN I could go see if I do get pregnant?

This time next week I will have news from the fertility specialist....so stay tuned!

Get out the kleenex...

2008-09-23T13:50:00.003-05:00

I never knew there was a song out there like this. I found this on another blog I was reading and it obviously hit home. Please watch it but make sure you have a kleenex.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Lack of sleep...

2008-09-22T08:48:00.004-05:00

I don't know why but I am having the hardest time going to sleep these days. Even on Saturday I played with Tobey and Addisyn most of the day. You would think all the running and playing and nonstop action would have worn me out but no I even took 2 Tylenol PMs and still had trouble going to sleep! Its crazy! I don't know what to do about it. It has been almost 2am every night for the last 4 nights before I fall asleep. What is wrong with me?! I was reading online about insomnia and they say that stress could cause it. I can't think of anything that I am stressing about. Work is relatively quiet these days. There isn't anything going on around here out of the ordinary. Maybe its the upcoming doctor appts that I am stressing about? I don't know. Its not like I lay there and that is all I can think about. I haven't even really thought about it that much. I figure if I get all worked up about it its just going to make me all nervous for no reason. I don't think that we will get any life defining news at this appointment so there really isn't anything to worry about. I have flipped our mattress around, washed the sheets, and done anything else I could think of that may make me more comfortable and nothing is working. Poor Jason is afraid to move when he gets in bed because if I am on the verge of going to sleep and he moves and wakes me up I might go postal on him...LOL....Oh well, I am so tired right now maybe I will get some sleep tonight.

Its already starting

2008-09-19T11:32:00.003-05:00

I know that none of this baby making process is going to be a lot of fun. OBVIOUSLY the fun part of it doesn't get the job done for us so we have to go a more scientific route. I was reading through my paperwork I have to fill out and sign about our medical history and I noticed that it says they need a current (within 1 year) yearly woman tests results. ICK! I haven't had one since March of 2007 which means I am overdue. ICK again! I HATE those things but I suppose I must get used to people being up close and personal to my personal regions if I plan to have a baby. So I sucked it up and made and appointment to have that done next week. Oh Joy!

So we are about to start a long road...

2008-09-16T21:29:00.003-05:00

I have an appointment on October 1st with a fertility specialist. This could be a long, hard, and expensive road but I feel very strongly about having children of my own and I am going to do everything I can do make it a reality. People say that if I can't have children I can babysit theirs anytime and while I do appreciate it, its just not the same! I think about having a baby at LEAST once a day, most days more than that. I have even recently checked into adoption and it is just outrageously expensive so I want to go this route first. Please keep your fingers crossed, pray, wish, whatever you do, for us that this isn't going to be as difficult as everyone knows it could be. I will try and keep this updated to let anyone who wants to know what's going on.

I want to post the quote that really got me going on this...

" Never stop believing in something you can't go a day without thinking about... "

I figured it out!

2008-08-24T14:35:00.002-05:00

The links are back! If you want me to add yours let me know! Sianara for now!

Some changes...

2008-08-24T14:09:00.001-05:00

I made some changes to my template. I hope you like it. I somehow lost my links to my all of my friend's blogs and I can't remember how I put them there to begin with...LOL....Oh well maybe I will figure it out someday!

Tomorrow...

2008-08-08T22:36:00.001-05:00

I am going to go spend the day with my sister and Addisyn tomorrow. I have a great time over there. Hopefully I will have some fun things to discuss on here after I get home tomorrow.

Something I need to get off my chest...

2008-03-31T21:48:00.000-05:00

I just need to get this off my chest. There are SO many people out there that have children and do not take care of them. I know a couple people personally that have great kids and they blow off their time to spend with them. There are people like that out there that never spend any time with their kids or show them any love and there are people out there that would do anything to have a child to love and can't. I would give anything right about now to have my own child and it just doesn't seem to be happening for me. The closest thing I have is my niece and I don't get to see her very often and even when I do if her dad is around nothing I do is ever right. I love her very much but its just not the same. If you read this and you have children please spend as much time as you can with them and tell them every day that you love them. You are the only parents they have and they need you.

All I have to say is...

2007-11-05T21:05:00.000-06:00

this time change is for the birds!!! It screws with my body's routine and throws me all off. I was awake by 5:30 this morning because to my body it was 6:30 and time to get up for work. Now its 9pm and I feel like I could fall over asleep at anytime. Who ever came up with changing the time around every year is nuts!

Its been a while...

2007-11-04T12:17:00.000-06:00

I know its been a while since I last posted. I had to share this picture. They are my two most favorite people and the picture just says it all about their relationship. They don't see each other very often because Jason works such crazy hours but he still loves her dearly. I really love being an aunt. I never thought I would have such strong feelings for a niece or nephew but I really do, maybe its because I don't have one of my own and feel like I never will. Plus, she is SO freakin cute!! I don't see her as much as I would like but maybe someday her mama will let me babysit. Anyway, here is the pic. It was taken last weekend at Clayton's birthday dinner.

Just about there!!!

2007-09-08T08:31:00.000-05:00

Well we leave bright and early on Monday for South Padre Island. I am so excited but I keep having this feeling that something is going to go wrong to ruin it. I am going to stay positive though and have as much fun as I can! This is the first nice vacation Jason and I will have been on since we got married (almost 4 years ago). We are SO looking forward to it. We have rented a condo that is a 1/2 block from the beach and Kelsey, Sam, and Stan are all going with us so I think we will have a blast. Anyway, just wanted to throw a post in here while I had the chance. I have a feeling between packing and all the errands and running around I have to do the next two days are going to fly by really quickly. If anyone needs us while we are gone you can call our cell phones. I will be sure and take lots of pictures, so stay tuned! Pray for NO HURRICANES! "See" ya late Saturday!

Almost here!!!

2007-09-04T19:23:00.000-05:00

5 MORE DAYS!!!!

Its getting close. I am so excited! This time next week I will be on South Padre Island relaxing and not thinking about anything stressful!

Let's see what's in store...

7wks 4 days....Due Sept. 23rd!

Guess what?!

*SIGH*

60 lbs!!!

New Hobby....maybe?

WOW!

Yay me!

20 lbs!

I love when the numbers go down!

WOOHOO! Weight lost!

To IVF or not to IVF? That is the question.

Here we go again!

One of those days

Its Mother's day

I need to lose weight...

Scratch that

Some thoughts

Stress, stress, and more stress

Another year...

Adoption Agency phone call

Adoption...

I'm back

So much for that

My niece....the goober

What now?

The story...

Tomorrow is the day...

Gotta buy some new ones

Daily Devotional

Dr appt this morning

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Aunt Flo

Friday is coming...

Happy Mother's Day

The wrote a song about my life!...LOL

Here they come!

Stressed

There are 2!

Update

I am floored!

Hope

Doing better...

Mad post

Better luck next month

Still no period...

So far...

I need something to do...

10 more days

So THESE are the mood swings I have heard so much about

Doctor visit this morning

Interesting post

Jason's job interview

Hanging on to hope...

Just jabbering...

YAY!!

Its getting better

The past three days have SUCKED!

My sister is having a BOY!

A few thoughts

Doctor's appt

Going back!

Waiting two weeks...

Update

I am still alive

Surgery is tomorrow...

Maybe it will happen this time...

Ok so...

Back to the doctor

Back on track

Read With Caution...

The votes are in!

It STOPPED...

Nothing new

I got it back!

My car

I know...

OUCH!

Sonogram...

Nothing new really...

SIGH