I am floored!

Beyond floored! I just have no words. When I was in third grade we moved into our house on Wagonwheel. I met two girls Stephanie and Jessica that lived across the street from us. Stephanie was 2 years old than me and Jessica was a year younger than me but in the same grade. I guess that is why I became friends with her and not Stephanie. Jessica was always a drama queen. She thought the sun didn't shine until she woke up. Even at the age of 12 boys fell all over themselves to be friends with her and she took advantage of it. We were friends off and on. Mainly when it was convenient for her. In high school we didn't have a lot to do with each other. I had a steady boyfriend, Chris, and she was busy being a whore. I'm sorry, I realize that is not nice but its the honest to god truth. Our junior year of high school I happened to walk outside to check the mail, our mailbox was a community box and was right in front of their house. As I walked outside I saw an ambulance and Jessica and Stephanie's house. I ran inside to tell my parents. My dad rushed over there to see what was going on and see if he could help. Their dad was paralyzed from the waist down and we thought maybe something happened to him or their mom. My dad came back and told my mom to come over there and made me and my sister go in the house. I knew something bad had happened but no one was telling me what. Later my parents came home and told me that Jessica had tried to kill herself by taking a bunch of pills. I was SO upset. I hadn't had a lot to do with her because of previously stated reasons but I still cared what happened to her and wished I had been there to stop her. For the next few months after that her parents had asked me to basically be her chaperone. I drove her home from school and was instructed to go straight from school to her house and even if she asked me to take her somewhere else not to. I even got suspended from school once for defending her from her ex-boyfriend which she claimed was the reason she tried to kill herself. After high school and all that drama we didn't have anything to do with each other for a year or so and then all the sudden she showed up at my house one day. I went and hung out with her at her apartment and thought we were friends again. We even got an apartment together. That was the longest 6 month living arrangement of my life. She was like night and day. You never knew what Jessica you would encounter. She had met John online and talked to him on the phone all the time and was planning to move to Indiana to be with him. At the same time she had guys in and out of our apartment all the time and John was just an idiot and didn't think she was cheating on him. The only good thing that came out of my living with Jessica is Jason. He came over to hang out with her from time to time and we got to be friends as well. Then one of the times Jessica flew to Indiana to be with John she asked him to call me and keep me from being bored and we became close friends. At that point we kind of shoved Jessica out of the picture and of course with her all about me attitude she did NOT like that. I learned from Jason later there were times when everyone was over and Jessica would stand behind me and point at me and mouth the words "I hate her".

As soon as our lease was up, actually sooner. I moved out. I moved in with Kelsey who is still my best friend to this day. I didn't talk to Jessica for a long time after that. She moved to Indiana and got pregnant and then got married. Jason talked to her on the phone every once in a while I think but I didn't. She eventually moved back to Ft Worth and brought John and her daughter with her. Since she was the reason Jason and I were together we asked her to be in our wedding. She was almost a normal person during these days so I tolerated her and tried to be her friend. Then of course she dropped from the face of the planet again and didn't have much to do with us. I had finally had enough.

I sent her an email and I told her exactly how I felt about her. I told her that she was nothing but a drama queen and that she thrived on drama. I told her that I was an adult and married with my own house and I planned on acting like an adult. I would not be subjected to her drama and the chaos that surrounded her. I told her that if she wanted to grow up and act her age I would be her friend and help her in anyway that I could. She responded to me and said that it was a lot to take it and that she would get back to me. That was the last I heard from her.

I read her sister Stephanie's blog regularly and Stephanie has a great family life. Jessica has since gotten divorced, lost custody of her daughter to her parents, had another baby, lost custody of him, and now I just found out today had yet another baby that was born 5 weeks early, is in the NICU with drugs in his system and had to be resusciated. I am just so angry right now I can't see straight. I can't believe someone can be so stupid and uncaring to do drugs while pregnant! I don't have the slightest idea who this baby's father is but it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't know either.

Here I am struggling to have a baby and Jessica can do all these horrible horrible things and just keep having babies that she can't take care of. Can anyone tell me how any of that makes sense? Sorry I am rambling on about this but I am just floored. I know some of the things I said about her aren't nice but I am telling you all they are the honest to god truth. Its amazing how normal her older sister turned out and that she has her own three boys that she adopted because she has PCOS like I do and is home schooling them and giving them all a great life. I hope that Jessica's three kids have someone to do this for them because its obvious that their mother isn't capable of it.

You know I wonder, what if I hadn't pushed her away. What if I had tried to stay friends with her? What if I worked harder to help her be a better person? I really think I tried. I tried for many years and she would work at it for a couple of months to stay out of trouble and then she would just get sucked back in. I can't say I didn't try but what if I had tried harder? Her parents told her lots of times that I was a good influence on her. I guess I am just lucky that I am smart enough not to let her bad influence make me the kind of person she is.