Mad post

WARNING: I am pretty mad right now so if you are someone that might get your feelings hurt by what I am about to say you should stop reading now.

So I just got back from the doctor. He said everything is fine and we are going for round 2. That's not what I am pissed about. What I am pissed about is that I went to get my prescriptions filled and last time they were $290 which was PLENTY. For some reason this time my total was $441! I don't know what the difference is. I got everything that I got the last time. Maybe its because it was a different pharmacy. The last time I went to see him I had to go to his Irving office because that's where he was the day I needed to see him. He sent me across the street from his office to Target because he knows their pharmacy carries what I need. Today I went to his Arlington office and he sent me to Randol Mill Pharmacy for the same reason. Its solely a pharmacy so maybe they charge more. My problem is that I am using an flexible spending account that only has $2000 for the YEAR in it. I have already used half of that. So now after today's fiasco I only have about $500 left. Which means, I really only have one more shot at this if this month doesn't work. I can't afford to pay this out of my pocket. The doctor did mention the IUI option. I asked how much that cost and he said if my insurance won't cover any of it (which they won't) then it will be $260. That isn't bad at all. I thought it would be way more than that. Jason really doesn't want to go this route but if it doesn't work this month and I try again next month and it doesn't work then I won't be able to afford to do all this again until next year. I don't know that I can handle that.

What pisses me off is that I don't think its fair at all for me to have to take out a loan in order to have a child. What did I do to deserve to have to go through so much when others can just blink their eyes or wiggle their nose when they want to have a baby and poof their pregnant. Even people that it takes a year or so to get pregnant have it easy compared to all this. I have two more chances technically and then if I choose to continue I will literally have to find a way to take out a loan or something and that is just not right. I mean really, is there some cosmic force that is telling me not to have a baby? Did I do something that is making me be punished? WHY?!?! That is what I want to know. I know, I know, everyone says it will happen if its meant to but COME ON! There are people out there that have no sense whatsoever that treat their kids like shit and they can pop them out left and right. People that leave their kids in dumpsters! I am just mad and upset and just don't understand at all. I am tired of putting on a happy face and just doing this and pretending everything is ok. ITS NOT!