I give up!

I am tired of this game. I don't even want to play a new one. I want to just sit in my house and do nothing until the roof falls in on my head which with my luck might possibly be tomorrow. I got home from work today, checked the mail and found three envelopes from Allstate. The first one was the check for $500 that they offered me for my "pain and suffering". The second one was a check for $3004.82. Yep! Thats right! They totaled my f***ing car!!!!!!!!! Did they call and tell me? NO! Did they even call and tell me that they had even been to look at it? NO again! I haven't heard a WORD from them since the lady called me about "the injury portion of my claim". Usually if I received a $3000 check in the mail I would be ecstatic but not when its supposed to pay for something that I owe over $6000 on! I tried to call them and they were already closed so I will be calling at 8am tomorrow morning for some answers and I am not getting off the phone until someone tells me what the hell I am supposed to do. I have this rental car they are supposed to be paying for. How much longer do I get to keep it? No one has said ANYTHING.

I am so tired of getting the shit end of the stick. I can't do anything right. We finally get the money to be able to go to the doctor about the fertility situation and BAM something happens and shoots everything to hell. I give up! I can't afford a new car, I can't afford a baby, I can't afford SHIT because everytime I make a little leeway and start towards a goal something else knocks me back UNDER the ladder. Why do I even try? Sorry for the language but I am so pissed right now its all I can do to keep from throwing something through a window! I'll just sit here and be pissed off and cry and maybe someday SOMETHING will go right.

I know there are people that have worse luck than me but in my world this is pretty shitty. You know, I help others as much as I can. I have friends that have no money and I let them come over, I feed them dinner, give them gas money if I can. I even once gave a co-worker $50 so she could go to the doctor and get prescriptions because she was sick and couldn't afford to go. Why do I deserve all this? Did I do something that I am not aware of? Will the bad "karma" or whatever you want to call it EVER go away?