Ok so...

all of my close female friends except one are now pregnant. Hopefully, someday, I will get my turn too.

Update: Went back to the fertility doctor on the 16th. Cyst had gotten larger, he told me to go see my OBGYN to see about getting it removed. I called my OBGYN from my car in the parking lot and they got me right in. I went in to see him we scheduled surgery for 12/31.

The hospital called to let me know how much I had to pay. For some crazy reason they want my full $2000 deductible up front. NOT happening! How many people do you know that can fork over that much money at once? So, I spoke to the lady that scheduled me at the doctor's office and she said that all the hospitals they use do that. Well, I have had back surgery and wrist surgery in the last 3 years and no one has ever asked me for my full deductible up front. So, I decided that was my sign or cue to find another doctor, so I cancelled the surgery. Melinda recommended her doctor to me so I have made an appointment to go see him on January 13th. Hopefully, he will get me in soon to have the cyst removed and I will become a baby making machine!.....LOL....I realize that is not going to happen but its a nice thought. I think the plan is to have the cyst removed then I will go back to the RE and he will probably try the clomid again and then move on to the shots if that doesn't work. Time will tell I guess....

Back to the doctor

I will go in for another sonogram on my ovaries on Wednesday at 9:30. I'll update as soon as I can.

Last pill yesterday. Bleeding will start soon. Then I'll go back to the doctor. That's all for now.

Back on track

I don't remember if I mentioned in my last post that I found my doctor's email address on their office website. I emailed him and told him what the other doctor had said and told him that I just needed to know if this is what he thought also. I told him that I didn't think that this was the direction he was headed because if it was the birth control is pointless. When I got in to work this morning I had a response from him. He said that he did want to see if the cyst went down and that if it did he would try me on Clomid again but we can't do that until the cyst goes down and he told me he would be in the office today so if I could I should come in and let him do the sonogram. So I called as soon as they opened and when I say "as soon as they opened" I mean they opened at 8:00 and I called at 8:02...lol. She got me in at 10 and I had my sonogram done. He said that the cyst has gone down some just not enough to do the Clomid. He wants me to try another month of birth control and he said we could potentially do this for 6 months but if it hasn't gone down by the he would refer me to another doctor to have it laproscopically removed. He said he will be able to tell in the next month or so if there is any chance of this working in 6 months otherwise we won't do it that long and he will send me to the other doctor. I asked him if this would be the same as the ovary drilling I have read about where they go in and drill holes in the ovaries to help release eggs. He said no that is different but it would be a good idea to have it done all at the same time. So anyway, I am going to do the birth control again and see what happens next month. The question of the day is.....WHY didn't the other doctor say that?!?! My opinion is that he just flat out didn't give a damn. He didn't bother to read my chart to see what was going on. Then today I go in and the nurse remembers seeing me the day before but looks and there is NOTHING in my chart about me seeing the other doctor so there is nothing in there about what he told me. WHAT A FREAKIN MORON! So I told the receptionist to put an alert on my account (I know they can because they use our software) that I do NOT want to EVER be seen by Dr. Le again. I try really hard not to be a racist or prejudice but all I can say about that idiot is he is a stupid chink!

Well that's it for now. I am back on my original track just a slight derailment. We will see what it looks like again next month! Let's just hope I don't bleed to death by then!....LOL

Read With Caution...

I think I am calm enough now to say this without two many bad words slipping but I make no promises.

Today I went to the doctor. The doctor I saw was not my normal doctor because he was out on vacation. He came in, looked at my chart, and then asked me if I had been given anything to make me ovulate. I told him my OBGYN had given me clomid but my hormone levels never changed enough for them to know for sure if I ovulated or not. He then proceeded to ask me if I could afford $600 to $700 a month for injections. I told him not right away. So then he said there was nothing more he could do for me! He said I could try losing weight and then my body may start ovulating on its own. I was so mad and upset I didn't ask questions and I barely even listened to him from that point on. He did give me a prescription for progesterone which will keep me regular as far as my periods go but probably won't help me ovulate.

I left and cried most of the way from the doctor's office back to work. All this sounded like to me was that he was telling me I was too poor and too fat to help. Then I started thinking, the doctor I have been seeing seemed to have many more options he was thinking of trying. I think this doctor just didn't want to deal with it. He didn't even do the sonogram which is the whole reason I was there! So this afternoon I looked at their website and got my normal doctors email address and emailed and told him everything that happened and everything the other doctor said and asked him to let me know if this is really my only option because he led me to believe that there were other things we could try.

So now I feel like I am back at step one because The sonogram wasn't done so we don't know if the cyst on my ovary went down or not.

WHAT A BUNCH OF FREAKIN CRAP!

The votes are in!

My body is jacked up! Seriously though, I stopped bleeding finally on Wednesday of last week then yesterday evening I realize its back! Today I am back to full flow and I still have 8 pills left of my birth control! I haven't missed a pill or anything. So I called the doctor's office since I am supposed to go in on the third day of my next period and I asked her if I should consider this my period even though I shouldn't even be bleeding or what. She went ahead and scheduled me to come back in on Thursday for a sonogram. She said she isn't sure why I am already bleeding so it wouldn't hurt for the doctor to look and see if the cyst has gone down. I guess we will see on Thursday!

It STOPPED...

It actually STOPPED finally!

Nothing new

There isn't much going on at the moment I don't think. I got my car back, got it inspected again and it passed, I have to take it back to the body shop at some point because the driver side door doesn't close right. I can hear air whistling when I drive. I am not overly impressed with that body shop. I thought if I took it to a dealership body shop they would do a better job but not so much. Anyway, thats about it for now. I have a headache. I believe I will go to bed.

I got it back!

Well I got my car back today. Even though they tried to inspect it for me and it FAILED! They said that I could drive it for about 50 miles and it will reset the modules or something then I can bring it back and they will do it again at no charge since I already paid. Thats really no big deal I guess. I am going out to my sister's tomorrow so I will easily get the 50 miles in. Anyway, after driving a brand new car for almost a month and then getting into my really not new car it really magnifies the crappiness but eh, what are you gonna do? It looks like its supposed to I guess. It drives like it supposed to I guess, its hard to remember specifically what was normal because it has been almost a month since I have driven it. One thing I do know for sure is that it still tries to DIE after I start it and go to pull out of my parking spot at work. DAMN CAR!

On the other main subject in my life.....I think I might bleed to death!

My car

Nope, still don't have it back. Everyday this week I call Allstate and everyday I am told that they are approving the extra costs and they are sending the paperwork to the body shop and everyday this week I call the body shop and they say they still haven't heard from them. So today I go through the whole routine again and at 5 o'clock I call Allstate AGAIN because I had to leave him a voicemail when I called him earlier and he puts me on hold and calls the body shop. He comes back and tells me everything is taken care of an I should be able to pick up my car tomorrow. So I will call the body shop in the morning and make sure I can pick it up before I return the rental. Keep your fingers crossed!

Oh and since its been almost a month since the accident and inspection was about to expire when I got in the accident its now WAY past due and illegal so I called the body shop and asked them if they have a way to get it inspected and since they are a dealership they do have a service center that will do it so she said they would take it over and get it inspected for me and I can just pay for it when I pick it up. Let's hope that all goes well too!

I know...

that having my period will make me healthier in the female aspect but IT IS NOT FUN! When its been as long as it has for me since my last period once I have a period it is HORRIBLE. CAUTION: TOO MUCH INFO coming up....

Sunday was a horrible day. My back hurt, I was bleeding profusely, and I felt like complete and total crap! I literally had to "go to the bathroom" every 30 minutes in order to not make a complete mess. During the night between Sunday and Monday I set the alarm for every 2 hours so I could get up and check to make sure there was and would be no mess. That is INSANE! I happened to have some prescription strength Ibuprofen that my doctor gave me for my back and also some hydrocodone. Taking both of the didn't even completely stop the cramps and did absolutely nothing for my back. It was not fun (did I say that already?). If this is the way its going to be every time I have a period then I have changed my mind. I don't want to be healthy female wise. Maybe I don't even want to have my own biological child. I give up! I will adopt!

No really, the horrible stuff only lasted about 24 hours and I guess I can handle that if someone could promise me that going through that once a month would eventually give me a baby. From what I have been told it was only that bad because it had been so long since my last period and if I stay normal it will not be that bad again. Let's hope!

I woke up Monday morning (after being up every 2 hours) and felt fine. The crazy bleeding had slowed down and I no longer felt like something was trying to claw its way out of my stomach (I might expect to feel this way if I were pregnant but I'm not!). Anyway, I have started the birth control now and should have another normal period next month. Let's hope it goes better than this one!

OUCH!

I had my sonogram today. It was kinda painful. If I hadn't already been on pain meds for my back I may have come off that chair!

Anyway, there does appear to be a large cyst on my left ovary. He had a hard time seeing my left ovary because it was hiding behind my uterus. After moving that thing around in there and trying to push my uterus out of the way (the painful part) he did get a glimpse but I think it was inconclusive.

He put me on birth control. Yes, I go to the doctor to try and have a baby and he puts me on birth control!...LOL....Kind of backwards if you ask me but he said that this will give my ovaries a "rest" and hopefully will make the cyst go down on its own. I will go back when my next period starts and he will look again. So until then I guess I just get to wait. Yippee for me!

Sonogram...

I will have the sonogram on my ovaries on Friday. I'll let everyone know what we find out.

Nothing new really...

Still waiting for my car to be repaired. Not that I am in a hurry because I LOVE the rental car but I know I can't keep it forever.

A few more days of the Provera and then I will go in for the sonogram. I will update once I know what's next.

In the mean time, here is a picture of Addisyn. She turned 2 last week!

Ok....I take it back...for now!

So I got up at 8 this morning and called Allstate. Come to find out the $3000 check was for the REPAIRS on my car. Well someone should have told me! The lady I talked to said the guy that did the estimate tried to call me but the number he had was disconnected. I asked her if she could see what the number was and she said it was a cell phone number I had like 5 years ago! I have no idea how they got that number. My dad said maybe the loan company on the car but I was thinking about it and the home number he had was our apartment we lived in before we moved into the house and we didn't even have the car then. We didn't get the car until 2 years after we moved here. Who knows! So anyway she read me an email it says he sent me (which I didn't get). It said that he had estimated the damage to be $3004.28. I could take the car to the body shop of my choice and then if they get in there and it cost more that they estimated the body shop could bill them directly. Once all that was clarified and my blood pressure went back down below boiling I got out the phone book and looked for the closest Dodge dealership. I decided to have them take it to Allen Samuels Dodge. I called the wrecker service and they said they could get it there today. So my car should be there now and they should start its reconstructive surgery on Monday. My poor car looked so pitiful sitting in that wrecking yard and torn up and FILTHY. Hopefully it will be all better and get a bath before I get it back.

So sorry for the crazy lady post last night but as you can tell I was EXTREMELY upset. I am all better now!

I give up!

I am tired of this game. I don't even want to play a new one. I want to just sit in my house and do nothing until the roof falls in on my head which with my luck might possibly be tomorrow. I got home from work today, checked the mail and found three envelopes from Allstate. The first one was the check for $500 that they offered me for my "pain and suffering". The second one was a check for $3004.82. Yep! Thats right! They totaled my f***ing car!!!!!!!!! Did they call and tell me? NO! Did they even call and tell me that they had even been to look at it? NO again! I haven't heard a WORD from them since the lady called me about "the injury portion of my claim". Usually if I received a $3000 check in the mail I would be ecstatic but not when its supposed to pay for something that I owe over $6000 on! I tried to call them and they were already closed so I will be calling at 8am tomorrow morning for some answers and I am not getting off the phone until someone tells me what the hell I am supposed to do. I have this rental car they are supposed to be paying for. How much longer do I get to keep it? No one has said ANYTHING.

I am so tired of getting the shit end of the stick. I can't do anything right. We finally get the money to be able to go to the doctor about the fertility situation and BAM something happens and shoots everything to hell. I give up! I can't afford a new car, I can't afford a baby, I can't afford SHIT because everytime I make a little leeway and start towards a goal something else knocks me back UNDER the ladder. Why do I even try? Sorry for the language but I am so pissed right now its all I can do to keep from throwing something through a window! I'll just sit here and be pissed off and cry and maybe someday SOMETHING will go right.

I know there are people that have worse luck than me but in my world this is pretty shitty. You know, I help others as much as I can. I have friends that have no money and I let them come over, I feed them dinner, give them gas money if I can. I even once gave a co-worker $50 so she could go to the doctor and get prescriptions because she was sick and couldn't afford to go. Why do I deserve all this? Did I do something that I am not aware of? Will the bad "karma" or whatever you want to call it EVER go away?

Irritated!

I still haven't heard anything from the insurance company on my car. I have some weirdo calling me every hour wanting to "help" me. She says she can get my car out of the impound and it not cost me any money. I told her that the insurance company should be getting it out of the impound so it won't cost me any money anyway. She said something about making so I don't have to pay my deductible. I told her I am not at fault and its not going through my insurance so I don't have to pay a deductible. She then asked why I won't let her help me. Hmmm....let me think.....I DON'T NEED HELP! How hard is that to understand? So finally after trying to get her off the phone for almost 20 minutes I just tell her I need to talk to my husband and I will let her know. Well she proceeded to call me TWO more times today but I did not answer. In one of the voicemails she said that the insurance company had been to look at my car. What is she sitting watching my car??? How would she know they had been to the impound yard to look at my car otherwise? Its kind of creepy!

When I got home from work I had a message on my answering machine from the loan company. I called them back and they said they got a notice from the wrecking yard that they want a lein release so they can get rid of my car. Uh, NO! I told her that I was in an accident last week and I am just waiting for the insurance company to take care of the car. She asked if it was totaled and I told her that the insurance company hadn't notified me as to if they had looked at it yet or not. She took my claim # and the insurance adjuster's number and said she would call him. I hung up with her and called the insurance adjuster myself and his voicemail says he will be out of the office until Monday! I don't know if that means that it will just have to wait until he is back or if someone else is working on it. If something happens to my car while this moron goes on vacation there will be HELL to pay! I also tried to call the adjuster that called me about the injury portion just to see if she could look and tell me anything and she was already gone for the day so I guess I will try her tomorrow afternoon if I don't hear anything from someone before about 3 o'clock.

MY GOODNESS WHAT A MESS!!

All in all I really don't care how long they take with the whole thing as long as I can keep the rental the entire time because I LOVE that car but I don't want my car being sold at auction or something stupid in the mean time. I did get a letter from the wrecker service telling me how much it cost a day for it to be there which I faxed to the insurance company but I didn't get anything else about it needing to be moved. I guess we will see what happens.

Updates

I just got back from the doctor. He gave me a prescription for Provera to make me have a period then I am supposed to go in on the third day of my period so he can do a sonogram of my ovaries to see what exactly they are doing. So then we will go from there I guess. He has lots of ideas so hopefully one of them will be successful.

The moron from Allstate called me while I was on my way back to work and just reiterated yet again why I call him the moron. He calls and asks me what the name of the place is that I want my car repaired at. I told him I didn’t have any place in mind I was just going to have it done where ever they want it done at. He said ok and that he would get an appt set up for it to be repaired. So then I asked if they had gone to look at it yet and he didn’t know so he looked and said that if they had they hadn’t put the info in the system yet. So I told him I was just curious. So then he says that he will call me once they look at it to get me set up with one of their preferred shops. So after all that there was really no reason for him to call me. Nothing was accomplished other than him making himself look like an idiot which I already knew!

Its getting better...

I got a call from the insurance company this morning. It was another agent not the one I have been dealing with (which in my opinion is a complete moron). She said she is handling the injury portion of my claim because I went to the doctor. She said she understood that I had to go to the emergency room. I said no I just went to my regular doctor the morning after. She asked about how much I had to pay and I told her it was a total of $45. She then proceeded to offer me a settlement that was way over the $45 I was owed "for my pain and suffering". I was so shocked I immediately accepted it. I didn't even think about asking someone first but I really think its ok. My back was messed up way beyond the accident and I just think the accident aggravated it. I don't think it actually did anything worse to it. So thus far everything seems to be going better. I got a rental car last night with no problems. Its a Dodge Caliber which I love! Now if everyone will just keep your fingers crossed that they don't screw me over on the damage to my car everything will be honky dory. They say they will be inspecting my car "sometime in the next couple of days".

Stayed tuned! I go to the fertility specialist tomorrow so I will update when I have a chance.

What a pain in the butt!

Ok so now I have talked to the insurance adjuster and given him my recorded statement BUT they can't get me a rental car until the old lady calls in and gives her recorded statement. Here is the problem. She has NO incentive to call in. Her car is fine. She can still drive around town even though she has no business driving in the first place. Yesterday I looked up the phone number to the owner of the car which happens to be her son. I politely told him that I really need his mother to call the insurance adjuster and give her statement so that I can get a car. He said he understands and that he would call and ask her to call them. Well I called again last night at about 5:15 because the guy leaves at 5:30 and he said he still hadn't heard from her! He told me that there would be people there today so if she called in she could leave her statement with them. Well I tried to call about 3 o'clock and got his voicemail and when I hit 0 to talk to an agent it said they were closed but yet his voicemail said they are open on Saturdays until 5:30! So if I couldn't get through she can't get through even if she was smart enough to hit 0 and not just leave a message. What a FREAKIN MESS!!!!

Crash, Bang, Smash Em Up!

I think your keys and drivers license should be taken away on your 80th birthday if there was no cause for it prior to that! My car now has a big hole in it and needs a face reconstruction because some moron lets his 82 year old mother drive around town when she has no business behind the wheel! Here is what happened...I left work for lunch. I went down the street to Taco Bell and was on my way back. As I am driving minding my own freakin business this old lady decides that her quilting can't wait for me to go by (she was turning into the quilting store) so she jumps out in front of me and I smash into her! So after the cops get there we pull our cars into the quilting store parking lot and when she gets out of the car she has to walk with a WALKER! OMG! So then once the cop comes to talk to me after talking to her I find out that her insurance card is EXPIRED! CRAP! He says that she says she has insurance but just doesn't have a current card. Well we shall see about that. I did find out today though that she does have insurance. I have called the insurance company and gotten the claim number, now I am just waiting on the dang insurance adjuster to call me back! Doesn't look like that is going to happen today! I didn't sleep worth crap last night. The last time I saw the clock it was 2:34AM! I had to get up at 6:30 to be at the doctor's office at 8. He gave me muscle relaxers and some steroids for my back. I am so sleepy I can barely function and I am grumpy and want to go home and go to sleep! Here is a picture of my poor car. The picture really doesn't do it justice. It looks worse in person.

Anyone know of a good OB/GYN???

I just got back from the OB/GYN. from having my "Well Woman" exam. I HATE THOSE THINGS!! I hate that I am going to have to replace my doctor. He is such a nice doctor. He will sit and talk and answer any questions I have. He makes you feel as comfortable as possible even though you are in a very awkward position. But for my own personal peace of mind and my family's I have to find a new one if I get pregnant. See, he delivers at Arlington Memorial and Medical Center of Arlington and my aunt who is a nurse practitioner said DO NOT GO THERE....lol....I take her advice seriously. After the issues with Addisyn when she was born and then there not being a NICU in the same hospital with my sister and Addisyn having to be taken away to another hospital I think I have learned a valuable lesson. I want a doctor that will deliver at Harris or All Saints DOWNTOWN. I really like Dr. Fielder but its not worth risking my potential child's life over. Anyone know of a good OB/GYN I could go see if I do get pregnant?

This time next week I will have news from the fertility specialist....so stay tuned!

Get out the kleenex...

I never knew there was a song out there like this. I found this on another blog I was reading and it obviously hit home. Please watch it but make sure you have a kleenex.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Lack of sleep...

I don't know why but I am having the hardest time going to sleep these days. Even on Saturday I played with Tobey and Addisyn most of the day. You would think all the running and playing and nonstop action would have worn me out but no I even took 2 Tylenol PMs and still had trouble going to sleep! Its crazy! I don't know what to do about it. It has been almost 2am every night for the last 4 nights before I fall asleep. What is wrong with me?! I was reading online about insomnia and they say that stress could cause it. I can't think of anything that I am stressing about. Work is relatively quiet these days. There isn't anything going on around here out of the ordinary. Maybe its the upcoming doctor appts that I am stressing about? I don't know. Its not like I lay there and that is all I can think about. I haven't even really thought about it that much. I figure if I get all worked up about it its just going to make me all nervous for no reason. I don't think that we will get any life defining news at this appointment so there really isn't anything to worry about. I have flipped our mattress around, washed the sheets, and done anything else I could think of that may make me more comfortable and nothing is working. Poor Jason is afraid to move when he gets in bed because if I am on the verge of going to sleep and he moves and wakes me up I might go postal on him...LOL....Oh well, I am so tired right now maybe I will get some sleep tonight.

Its already starting

I know that none of this baby making process is going to be a lot of fun. OBVIOUSLY the fun part of it doesn't get the job done for us so we have to go a more scientific route. I was reading through my paperwork I have to fill out and sign about our medical history and I noticed that it says they need a current (within 1 year) yearly woman tests results. ICK! I haven't had one since March of 2007 which means I am overdue. ICK again! I HATE those things but I suppose I must get used to people being up close and personal to my personal regions if I plan to have a baby. So I sucked it up and made and appointment to have that done next week. Oh Joy!

So we are about to start a long road...

I have an appointment on October 1st with a fertility specialist. This could be a long, hard, and expensive road but I feel very strongly about having children of my own and I am going to do everything I can do make it a reality. People say that if I can't have children I can babysit theirs anytime and while I do appreciate it, its just not the same! I think about having a baby at LEAST once a day, most days more than that. I have even recently checked into adoption and it is just outrageously expensive so I want to go this route first. Please keep your fingers crossed, pray, wish, whatever you do, for us that this isn't going to be as difficult as everyone knows it could be. I will try and keep this updated to let anyone who wants to know what's going on.

I want to post the quote that really got me going on this...

" Never stop believing in something you can't go a day without thinking about... "

I figured it out!

The links are back! If you want me to add yours let me know! Sianara for now!

Some changes...

I made some changes to my template. I hope you like it. I somehow lost my links to my all of my friend's blogs and I can't remember how I put them there to begin with...LOL....Oh well maybe I will figure it out someday!

Tomorrow...

I am going to go spend the day with my sister and Addisyn tomorrow. I have a great time over there. Hopefully I will have some fun things to discuss on here after I get home tomorrow.

Something I need to get off my chest...

I just need to get this off my chest. There are SO many people out there that have children and do not take care of them. I know a couple people personally that have great kids and they blow off their time to spend with them. There are people like that out there that never spend any time with their kids or show them any love and there are people out there that would do anything to have a child to love and can't. I would give anything right about now to have my own child and it just doesn't seem to be happening for me. The closest thing I have is my niece and I don't get to see her very often and even when I do if her dad is around nothing I do is ever right. I love her very much but its just not the same. If you read this and you have children please spend as much time as you can with them and tell them every day that you love them. You are the only parents they have and they need you.